Introduction:
Dealing with conflict always involves a series of choices. With each choice, our natural inclination is to handle the conflict in a destructive manner. Jesus gave a set of instructions about what to do in case of relational breakdown. They’re in the manual – the Bible. The good news is that they’re so simple a child can follow them…
Matthew 18:15 TPT
“If your fellow believer sins against you, you must go to that one privately and attempt to resolve the matter. If he responds, your relationship is restored.”
I. Let’s walk through what Jesus said one small step at a time.
A. Before you start the process, ask yourself these questions…
1. Is this a
2. What are your
Anger and expectations are connected at the hip…
I Corinthians 13:3-7 MSG
3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.
II. Let’s focus in detail on the process…
A. Acknowledge
1. “If your fellow believer sins against you…” The text says, but you might as well replace the word
2. People
3. To be
4. There must be a deep commitment to face relational breakdown
1 Samuel 24:1-17 NLT
1 After Saul returned from fighting the Philistines, he was told that David had gone into the wilderness of En-gedi. 2 So Saul chose 3,000 elite troops from all Israel and went to search for David and his men near the rocks of the wild goats. 3 At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave! 4 “Now’s your opportunity!” David’s men whispered to him. “Today the Lord is telling you, ‘I will certainly put your enemy into your power, to do with as you wish.’” So David crept forward and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul’s robe. 5 But then David’s conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul’s robe. 6 He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this to my lord the king. I shouldn’t attack the Lord’s anointed one, for the Lord Himself has chosen him.” 7 So David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul. After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, 8 David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him. 9 Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? 10 This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the Lord’s anointed one.’ 11 Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me. 12 “May the Lord judge between us. Perhaps the Lord will punish you for what you are trying to do to me, but I will never harm you. 13 As that old proverb says, ‘From evil people come evil deeds.’ So you can be sure I will never harm you. 14 Who is the king of Israel trying to catch anyway? Should he spend his time chasing one who is as worthless as a dead dog or a single flea? 15 May the Lord therefore judge which of us is right and punish the guilty one. He is my advocate, and He will rescue me from your power!” 16 When David had finished speaking, Saul called back, “Is that really you, my son David?” Then he began to cry. 17 And he said to David, “You are a better man than I am, for you have repaid me good for evil.
5.. The returning
B. I must own
Anger often contains an element of self-righteousness that causes us to want to blame the other person and avoid owning responsibility.
C. Approach doesn’t
1. Avoidance causes
2. It is a good thing to have the
3. Anger is like a
Buzzer wisdom: “As you get mad and madder, you get dumb and dumber.”
Ephesians 4:26-27 MSG
26-27 Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.
D. No
1. Go directly to the other
2. It’s more fun to commiserate with
Philippians 4:2-3 MSG
2 I urge Euodia and Syntyche to iron out their differences and make up. God doesn’t want His children holding grudges. 3 And, oh, yes, Syzygus, since you’re right there to help them work things out, do your best with them. These women worked for the Message hand in hand with Clement and me, and with the other veterans—worked as hard as any of us. Remember, their names are also in the Book of Life.
3.. Again, the litmus test of spirituality is not the
E. Use
1. We approach the object of our anger
2. Another
3. Aggressive behavior many times leads to
4. The biggest problem with ventilation – people don’t like getting
F. Aim at
1. The goal in
2. Reconciliation is rarely
Sometimes we get deep scars and wounds from people.
In those cases, we need something more than anger management.
We need a miracle…
…And God created one.
It’s called forgiveness.
II Corinthians 5:17-18 TPT
17Now, if anyone is enfolded into Christ, he has become an entirely new person. All that is related to the old order has vanished. Behold, everything is fresh and new. 18And God has made all things new, and reconciled us to Himself, and given us the ministry of reconciling others to God.