The most fulfilling, rewarding, and sustaining life force is a true connection with another human being.

You’ve lost that loving feeling… (Feelings are unsustainable)
Feelings are often horrible indicators of the health of a relationship.

We can have feelings of desire, based purely on a person’s appearance with no knowledge of that individual at all.

Life happens - It is human nature to focus on the negative and minimize the positive.

(3-To-1 Positivity Ratio)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-right-mindset/202010/10-ways-apply-the-3-1-positivity-ratio

Expectations, the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment or frustration.
(You bless me WAY MORE than you frustrate me)

ADAM

Significant Other: (Emotional Intimacy)

Love is a verb - Real Love is not an emotion. It is a way of living.

Mature loving feelings and emotions are the result of loving actions, not the other way around.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

SAY IT!
“I told you I loved you when we got together… if that changes I’ll let you know”

Video Clip - silent treatment

Say…
I love you.
I appreciate you.
I value you.
I’m sorry.

Learn love languages (The Five Love Languages Gary Chapman)

Learn the joy of sacrifice (easier with our children than with our significant other)

Desire, passion, and great sex flow more naturally from a really healthy relationship.
Always keep dating.

Support from your significant other!… Not from your kids, pets, friends or hobbies.
Take time to reflect and rekindle

My 41 Year Experience is…
The goal is to continually be growing and experiencing life together – (with NEW discoveries)
Talking over boardgames
Skiing – coaching, and cheering each other on

Children:

Small Children (high engagement)
Little kids spell love “T-I-M-E”
Attention and focus on them “ Daddy, Daddy… Watch me…”
Listen with your eyes. (distracted parenting)
Love must be intentional.
(face-to-face, not shoulder-to-shoulder)
Kids are the focus: Daniel and the Lions game

Reinforce actions you want to become behaviors.
(you always tell the truth, Team Name)
Celebrate the little things like they are a big thing.

Older children (Empowerment)
Help them explore their options, gifting, and talents.
Then… Help them focus on the most empowering ones.
Foster maturity and responsibility.
Extended adolescence.
“Parent nursery”
“I’ll do lunch with no phone.”
The goal is that they set all of their own schedule and boundaries their senior year.

Friends:
Be Available to…
Listen.
Just be present. (don’t try to fix me… Just don’t let me be alone)
Provide support.
Give good reflection.

Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus replied: ’ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’

love is being seen…
Jesus and Zakas, the woman with the issue of blood, stopping to focus on children and a busy schedule etc.

Cooperative groups: (Coworkers/Church family)

Language that preserves Community:
Can you help me understand?
Do I have permission to ask you?
Do I have permission to push back?
Can I give you feedback?

THE FIVE COMMITMENTS
1 When there is a gap between what I expect and what I experience, I will believe the best.
2 When others assume the worst, I will come to your defense.
3 If what I experience begins to erode my trust, I will come directly to you about it.
4 If I am unable to keep a promise, I will inform you ahead of time.
5 When you confront me about gaps I have created, I will tell you the truth.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Stephen Covey

Matthew 12:34-35 For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Good people bring good things out of the good stored up in them, and evil people bring evil things out of the evil stored up in them.

Paul’s Body Illustration (1 Cor. 12:12–26)
Romans 12:3-5 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment… For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.