The Connection Code
Part 6: Collaborate Wisely - B
We are not meant to walk alone. God calls us to be ezer kenegdo to one another: supportive, complementary and equal partners. To be ezer kenegdo is to say, “I Got Your Back and You Got Mine”.
However, no one owes us ezer kenegdo. Ezer kenegdo is not a right we demand, but a relationship we develop. In other words, ezer kenegdo is God’s plan for your life, but to experience it, we need The Connection Code, a simple 4-Step Process that’s Biblically based and grounded in neuroscience and psychology:
Step 4: Collaborate Wisely
Collaboration, from a Biblical perspective, is working together in unity to fulfill God’s purposes, using our unique gifts for the common good. It reflects God’s idea that connections are not only to meet our needs for community, but connections are relationships with a purpose. We see this all through Scripture Psalm 133:
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon
the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down on the edge of his garments. It is like
the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion; for there the LORD commanded the blessing—
life forevermore.”
God’s Idea For Connection & Collaboration Is Relationships “With A Purpose”:
Connection Attracts Sacred Anointing Oil,
Connection Covers & Protects,
Connection Waters & Replenishes,
Connection Draws The Blessing.
We Need Wise Collaboration. So how do we create it? John 15:12-17:
“This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.”
Creating Wise Collaboration:
1) Show Up
Showing Up Securely is about attachment. Attachment is a core principle of human connection, shaping how we relate to others and God. Psychologists define attachment as the emotional bond formed in early life, influencing how secure or anxious we feel in relationships. When we experience safe, consistent love, we develop secure attachment, allowing us to trust, love, and connect freely. However, when attachment is broken, inconsistent, or unsafe, we often struggle to show up securely in relationships later in life.
God designed us for secure attachment—with Him and others. But sin disrupted that design, introducing fear,
shame, and broken relationships (Genesis 3). Many of us carry wounds from past relationships—neglect, abandonment, rejection—that shape how we show up in friendships, marriage, and even our faith. Instead of
feeling secure in love, we may fear being too much, not enough, or being left behind.
Jesus came to restore our broken attachments. He is the ultimate picture of secure love—always present, unwavering, and safe. In Romans 8:38-39, Paul reminds us that “nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.” Finding security starts with anchoring our identity in Christ rather than in human approval.
We Can Show Up Securely When:
1. We Know God’s Love
2. We
3. We Receive Inner
True security is found in knowing we are fully loved by God. 1 John 4:18 “Perfect love casts out fear.” When we embrace His love, we can love others without fear, knowing that no matter what happens, we are already secure.
2) Don’t Wait,
!
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you.” To create Wise Collaboration, don’t wait, but initiate! Proverbs 18:24 “A man who has friends must himself be friendly…”
3) Leverage The Power Of
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit…” Michelangelo and his David sculpture: “I saw the angel in the marble, and I carved until I set him free…”
Are you leveraging the power of affirmation? Do you believe the best about your friend, or the worst? Proverbs 27:10: “Never abandon a friend—either yours or your father’s. When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance. It’s better to go to a neighbour nearby than to a brother who lives far away.”
When people believe in us, they cause us to believe in ourselves, which pushes us to reach our full potential. T
Proverbs 19:6 says that “…everyone is the friend of a person who gives gifts.” An atmosphere of belief and affirmation is so important for a friendship to grow. People can’t consistently be around people who are constantly negative towards them. There is value in learning to see the good in people and covering up weakness:
Genesis 9 Noah’s Nakedness Covered By Shem & Japheth. Canaan Was Cursed.
Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.”
Proverbs 17:9 “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.”
4) Show Up
“Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.”
You can’t collaborate without open and transparent communication. James 5:16 “Confess your sins to each
other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power
and produces wonderful results.”
If you want to Create Wise Collaboration, you need to take the risk of allowing people into your life and sharing deeply with them. Inside all of us is a desire to connect with people, to be known, and yet there is fear of
what will happen when we do. To Create Wise Collaboration, take the risk of building bridges rather than walls.
But we also need WISDOM. Don’t share your whole life. Simply give people a piece and see if they are worthy of more! Be very careful about who you share your vision, dreams and ideas with. If you talk to the wrong people about the right idea, your idea will die before it can conceive and give birth. Partner and collaborate only with people that inspire you, people that challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don’t waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth.
5) Be An Armor-Bearer
“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” To Collaborate, be willing to serve and support. Bear some armor! Bearing Armor Involves:
a)
b) Sacrifice I Samuel 18:1-4; I Samuel 19:1-2; I Samuel 20 (David & Jonathan),
c) Stickability Proverbs 17:17; Proverbs 18:24
d)
6) Add
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit…”
Jesus chose His friends to bear lasting fruit. He helped grow them to a place where they could bear fruit themselves. Jesus added value to His friends. He wasn’t concerned with GETTING from them so much as GIVING to them. To Create Wise Collaborations, help your friends become fruitful. Help them grow. Help them become more than they were before they met you. Matthew 10:7,8 What you freely receive, freely give…
Proverbs 11:25:
“Give freely and become wealthier; be stingy and lose everything. The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.”
The best collaborations add value to us. Proverbs 27:17 says: “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Collaboration should help us grow, expand, and become more fruitful. Friendships should add value, otherwise what’s the point?