“Therefore you are without excuse, whoever you are, when you judge others, for in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same things.”
Romans 2:1

Introduction

One in four people in the United States, 67 million, are or have been estranged from one or both parents.

“Until we work out our own issues, we can’t know others as they really are. We can’t even see them.” – Dr. Henry Cloud

What We Have Learned So Far: There are no perfect people.

“Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship.” – John Gottman Ph.D. in The Relationship Cure

Trust is more than a feeling; it is the assured reliance on the character and ability of someone or something.

Our Character Matters: You can like someone and not trust them in specific ways.
It’s ok to say no or not yet.

Commitment Matters: Commit to the power of affirmation, commit to say, “I am sorry” and “I forgive you”

Brokenness Matters: We are all broken in some way that is seen or unseen.

Steps to Repairing Trust

Step 1. When you are betrayed, you need time and healing.

Connect with people you feel safe with and supported by, and let them

.

Step 2. The second step to repairing a broken relationship is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the way to deal with the past and get it out of the way so it does not ruin your

.

Forgiveness has to do with the past. Trust has to do with the

.

It only takes one person to forgive, but it takes two people to

.

Step 3. The third step is to ponder what you really want.

Now that I have dealt with what happened, what would I

to happen going forward? (Ecclesiastes 3:5b-6)

This Week: How to Assess and Repair Broken Relationships – The Final Steps

“From sibling rivalry in families, to work teams…the drive to be ‘better than,’ or ‘smarter than,’ or ‘liked and loved more than,’ or any other ‘more than’ dynamic is a trust destroyer.” – Dr. Henry Cloud

We can’t trust people we feel will try to

us at every turn.

“We cannot present or perform our way out of our own brokenness, no matter how hard we try.” – Jo Saxton

It is difficult to assess the really good things someone brought into your life with the likelihood of

betrayal.

Step 4 is figuring out if reconciliation is available.

Am I pursuing a path that will transform

into someone

Reveal Answer

who will not do what I did before?

Trust is not merely about making amends, but about consistent and reliable behavior over

.

Are they pursuing a path that will transform

into a new person who will not do what they did before?

Do they take

for what they did or do they blame, excuse, rationalize, or diminish?

Do they recognize the

of their behavior and how it has hurt you and others?

Are they transparent with information and give you

to the “whole story?”

Step 5 is assessing trustworthiness: Who am I dealing with? (Matthew 18:15-17)

Private correction is more gracious and loving than correction in

.

Wise people are able to be confronted about their behavior, own it, apologize,

from it, and behave differently. (Proverbs 15:31-33)

Foolish people are

, angry, and even attacking when confronted or corrected. (Proverbs 9:7)

Evil people actually intend to harm you and will plot

against you if you confront them. (Proverbs 24:1-2)

When dealing with evil behavior, you must go into protection mode: call 911, get to a shelter,

. (Proverbs 27:12)

Step 6 is confirming evidence of real change. (John 21:9, 12, 15-17)

Trust repair is not convenient, does not happen accidentally when we have extra time; it takes

.

Repair requires a structured path of accountability including monitoring and celebrating

!

Action Step

Because deception is the glue that holds betrayal together, what is your family plan for “No

?”

My Additional Notes: