We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.
—Ephesians 4:14-16

There are no perfect people or families. We are all broken in some way that is seen or unseen.

Trust is more than a feeling; it is the assured reliance on the character and ability of someone or something.

Forgiveness has to do with the

. Trust has to do with the

Reveal Answer

.

Reconciliation Matters: It only takes one person to forgive, but it takes two people to

.

Wise people are able to be confronted about their behavior, own it, apologize,

from it, and behave differently.

While few of our relationships are life-long, there is one person you can never escape:

.

If you think leaving a relationship will solve all your problems, think

.

“Until we work out our own issues, we can’t know others as they really are. We can’t even see them.” – Dr. Henry Cloud

Healing our relationships requires being healed

.

What do relationships have to do with following Jesus?

.

Emotional and spiritual health are both components of our spiritual formation as apprentices of

.

“The process of being formed in the image of Christ takes place primarily at the points of our unlikeness to Christ’s image… . This means that one of the first dynamics of holistic spiritual formation will be confrontation… . a challenge and a call to us in our brokenness to come out of the brokenness into the wholeness in Christ. But it will also be a costly call, because that brokenness is who we are.” – Dr. M. Robert Mulholland

“The Creator arranged all things so that we need each other.” – Basil of Caesarea

We all have

in our family systems, and we each play a role in perpetuating the system.

We cannot change others, but we can change the systems we inhabit by becoming

.

The Habit of Noticing

Our brokenness is often evident when we

to certain triggers.

Whenever you feel yourself becoming reactive,

what is going on. What triggered you? How are you reacting?

As we become more aware of our sources of reactivity, we can see ourselves and others more

. (Psalm 139:23-24)

“Sanity is an honest relationship with reality. Sanity is seeing clearly, free of our filters, judgments, biases. When we see what’s going on, then we can discern what actions might be useful. Sanity creates possibilities.” – Dr. Margaret Wheatley

Telling a Better Story

The stories we tell ourselves about our relationships will likely become

.

“Our stories, once in place, determine much of our behavior without regard to their accuracy or helpfulness. Once these stories are stored in our minds, they stay there largely unchallenged until we die. And here is the main point: these narratives are running (and often ruining) our lives.” – Dr. James Bryan Smith

When two men asked Jesus about himself, he didn’t just answer them. He invited them into

story. (John 1:35-39)

Jesus invites us into a story in which there is no

, and everyone is welcome. (Romans 12:2)

“94 percent of the time, couples who put a more positive spin on their marriage’s history and their partner’s character are likely to have a happy future as well. By simply reminding yourself of your spouse’s positive qualities—even as you grapple with each other’s flaws—you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating… the key to reinvigorating fondness and admiration is to get in the habit of scanning for qualities and actions that you can appreciate.” – Dr. John Gottman

One simple way to tell a better story is to hold a weekly

meeting, as described by Marcia Berger, MSW, LCSW:

1. Appreciation: Share what you appreciate about your spouse and what they’ve done over the past week.
2. Chores: Address household work, finances, calendars, and other “life admin.”
3. Plan for Good Times: Schedule recreation and quality time as a couple, family, individuals, and with friends.
4. Problems and Challenges: Discuss areas of difficulty, conflict, and other concerns.

We cannot control others, and we cannot fix the world. We can create “

.”

“What is needed is for people of wisdom and spiritual discernment to form small communities that exist as ‘islands of sanity’ amid the chaos.” – Margaret Wheatley

As we become healthier together, our

can become places of joy, kindness, and hope for a weary world.

Action Steps

If you’re married, practice a weekly marriage meeting for the next month, starting with

.

In one key relationship, intentionally notice their positive qualities and actions.

them what you appreciate.

My additional notes: