Healthy Conflict
Main Point: Conflict is inevitable; done well it can lead to something wonderful
Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from telling lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to blot out their name from the earth. —Psalm 34:11-16
Conflict is a “struggle or clash between opposing forces”
Paul’s clash with Peter
When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group. The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray. When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of them all, “You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs? —Galatians 2:11-14
Four unhelpful ways of dealing with conflict
• Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn
When might it be right to stop trying to resolve a conflict?
When someone only wants to cause more trouble
• Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. (Titus 3:10)
When someone’s anger is unhealthy
• Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. (Proverbs 22:24)
When someone is “perverse of heart”
• The perverse of heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with what is evil. (Psalm 101:4)
• People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. (2 Timothy 3:2-5)
To handle conflict in a healthy way we need to come with the right heart
• Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. (Ephesians 4:31)
To handle conflict in a healthy way we need to come with humility
• Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)
To handle conflict in a healthy way we need to come with hope
• As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. (Psalm 71:14)
To handle conflict in a healthy way we need to come with the Holy Spirit
• If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:5)
Takeaway: Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. (Hebrews 12:14)
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Read Psalm 34:11-16 and/or 1 Peter 3:11-12. Discuss what is being taught in these passages.
2.Do you tend to enjoy conflict or want to avoid it?
3.Of the four unhealthy ways to address conflict, which do you tend to default to?
• Fight, Flee, Freeze, Fawn
4.Read 2 Timothy 3:2-5. What is God saying here about situations where it may be okay to stop seeking to resolve a conflict?
5.Read Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-17. These passages instruct us on two different situations of conflict and how to respond. Talk about the instructions Jesus gives us here.
Table Discussion Question – Talk about a conflict or disagreement you had with someone that you were able to work out in a healthy and God-honoring manner. What did you and the other do well?