Healing From Our Hurts

Main Point: Spiritual abuse is painful, but God is good, and Jesus heals hurts

There is no hurt quite like that caused by people you have trusted, looked up to, and loved
• If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me, I could hide.

But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,

with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God,

as we walked about among the worshipers. —Psalm 55:12-14

God expects church leaders to be people who demonstrate “wisdom and understanding”
• Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom (James 3:13)

• The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere (James 3:17)

When church leaders are driven by “envy and selfish ambition” the church suffers
• But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. (James 3:14-16)

Jesus spoke some of His strongest words against religious leaders who were mistreating people, calling them hypocrites
• “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. (Matthew 23:13)

A church where spiritual abuse happens can be like a dysfunctional family where the rules are “don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t trust”

We need to be able to talk about our hurts
• I said, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin;
I will put a muzzle on my mouth while in the presence of the wicked.”
So I remained utterly silent, not even saying anything good.
But my anguish increased (Psalm 39:1-2)

We need to let ourselves feel the pain of having been hurt

I was mocked and I felt ridiculed
• All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads (Psalm 22:7)

I was lied to and I felt betrayed
• Save me! Rescue me from the power of my enemies. Their mouths are full of lies; they swear to tell the truth, but they lie instead. (Psalm 144:11/NLT)

I was embarrassed and I felt ashamed and humiliated
• You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you. (Psalm 69:19)

I was spoken to harshly and I felt frightened
• They scoff, and speak with malice; with arrogance they threaten oppression. (Psalm 73:8)

I was gossiped about, and I felt hurt
• They visit me as if they were my friends, but all the while they gather gossip,
and when they leave, they spread it everywhere. (Psalm 41:5/NLT)

We need to keep trusting in God knowing some of God’s people may hurt us
• It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans. (Psalm 118:8)

We need to guard our hearts against bitterness and resentment
• Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23/NLT)

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. —I Peter 3:9

We need to help one another heal from our hurts
• Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

We need to remember that God knows all about what’s happened to us
• God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.” (Genesis 21:17)

Takeaway: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Have you ever been hurt by the church in one of the ways discussed in this message?

2.Why do you think being hurt by someone in the church can be so painful?

3.How can we forgive someone who has caused us pain, especially when that person is someone we trusted or looked up to?

4.Did your family, or a family you are familiar with, live by the rules of “Don’t talk, Don’t feel, Don’t trust”? Without naming names, what did you observe? Have you seen those rules practiced in a church?

Table Discussion Question – How does our faith in Jesus help us deal with hurts, whether they come in the church or in the family or elsewhere?