ASKING FOR A FRIEND, Part 1 - How Can I Forgive When I Can’t Forget
What Forgiveness Is—> in the Bible is a “release” or a “dismissal” of something.
The concept of forgiveness is a central theme throughout the Bible, and it is described using a variety of different words and phrases. Whether it is described as “pardoning,” “lifting up,” “releasing,” or “showing grace,” forgiveness is ultimately about God’s loving and merciful nature, and his desire to restore us to a right relationship with him. The concept of forgiveness is a central theme throughout the Bible, with many different words and phrases used to describe it. Here are some key words used in the Bible to describe forgiveness:
“Salach” (סָלַח) This Hebrew word means “to pardon” or “to forgive.” It appears numerous times in the Old Testament, including in Exodus 34:9, where God is described as “forgiving iniquity, rebellion, and sin.”
“Nasa” (נָשָׂא) This Hebrew word means “to lift up” or “to bear”. It is often used to describe God’s forgiveness of sin, such as in Psalm 103:12, where it says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
“Aphesis” (ἄφεσις) This Greek word means “release” or “remission”. It appears numerous times in the New Testament, including in Colossians 1:14, where it says, “In whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
“Charizomai” (χαρίζομαι) This Greek word means “to show grace” or “to bestow favor”. It is often used to describe God’s forgiveness of sin, such as in Ephesians 4:32, where it says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
“Apolyo” (ἀπολύω) This Greek word means “to release” or “to set free”. It is used to describe God’s forgiveness of sin, such as in Acts 13:38-39, where it says, “Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin.”
“Aphiemi” (ἀφίημι) This Greek word means “to send away” or “to let go”. It is used to describe God’s forgiveness of sin, such as in Romans 3:25, where it says, “God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished.”
Text: Matthew 18:21-35
The problem isn’t forgetting, the problem is forgiving.
“21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! ” —Matthew 18:21-22
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” —Ephesians 4:31-32
Unforgiveness can take many forms, including:
—revenge
—(murder, violence, abuse)
—hate verbal abuse (slander, gossip, sarcasm, labeling, name-calling)
—divorce
— rejection and avoidance for punishment’s sake
—withholding good
—transference of affection
—prejudice, bigotry, racism, or sexism bitterness
—internally wishing for bad things to happen to someone
—praying against someone
The bottom line is we must deal honestly and thoroughly with this issue. Otherwise, we will suffer serious consequences.
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.[k] 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. 26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. 28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.[l] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. 29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. 31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. 35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” —Matthew 18:23-35
Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right; it just makes you free.
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” —Matthew 6:14-15
Key Thought— When we forgive others, we free ourselves from the burden of anger, bitterness, and resentment. Forgiveness can restore relationships and bring healing to our lives, Forgiveness does not mean that we condone or excuse the wrong that was done, but it does mean that we choose to release the offender from the debt they owe us.
HOW CAN I FORGIVE WHEN I CAN’T SEEM TO FORGET?
—> Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Decide that you want to forgive the person who hurt you, even if you can’t forget what happened.
1. Every time you remember what they did TO you, THANK GOD for what He did FOR you!
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” —Colossians 3:13
“So I tell you that all her sins are forgiven, and that is why she has shown great love. But anyone who has been forgiven for only a little will show only a little love.” —Luke 7:47
“And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.” —Jeremiah 31:34
2. Every time you remember, PRAY for them.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” —Matthew 5:43-44
“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.” —Luke 23:34
“As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!” And with that, he died.” —Acts 7:59-60
“If you cannot pray for someone, then you have not forgiven them. Blessings force forgiveness from our heads to our hearts.” — Pastor Jimmy Evans
3. Every time you remember, BLESS them.
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” —Luke 6:27-28
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” —Romans 12:14
4. Every time you remember, DO GOOD to them.
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” —Romans 12:17-21
“The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. 9 He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. 10 He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. 11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. 12 He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. 13 The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.” —Psalm 103:8-13