10.13.24 Sermon Notes
October 11, 2024

ADDING THE FRAGRANCE OF CHRIST

TO YOUR MARRIAGE
Selected Passages

I. INTRODUCTION:
A. Clarifying the unconditional marital roles for a Christ-
centered marriage: (Equal yet different roles)
1. “A servant-leader is a husband who makes decisions
for his wife and children that from Christ’s perspective, are the best
thing for them, at the expense of himself. Being a servant leader is
responsibility, not rank; it is a sacrifice, not selfishness; it is duty, not
domination. The daily sting of his own death to self, is always the
beginning point for his servant-leadership.” (Mk. 10:42-45;
Lk. 22:25-26; Eph.5:25)

  1. “A helper is a wife who is a husband lover and a
    child lover, giving the woman a dual role in a marriage. Being a
    husband lover simply means being available to him, giving him time,
    energy, prioritizing him over anyone and everything (including her
    career, ministry, family relationships, activities) but Christ; giving
    thought and creativity to continually building him up at the expense of
    criticizing and tearing him down. Her husband needs the awesome
    power of her “being there” to be unleashed on him and If Christ
    blesses her with children, they will also need this attention, support,
    and love unleashed on them, while continuing to prioritize her
    husband.” (Tit. 2:4-5)

B. Imperative commands to obey in building a Christ-
centered marriage:
1. “Bowing the knee” (worship) to Christ’s commands
for every husband:
a. Love her (after the fact): vv. 23, 25, 28-29, 33
b. Lead her: v. 23 (Compare Gen. 3:6 with 3:16)
c. Nurture her in the things of Christ: v. 29
d. Be faithful to her for life: v. 31 (Mt. 19:3-9)
e. Financially provide for her: (Eph. 6:5-9;
I Tim. 5:8)

  1. “Bowing the knee” (worship) to Christ’s commands
    for every wife:
    a. Submit to your husband’s leadership: vv. 22-24
    (Gen. 3:16) (I Tim. 2:12-14; I Cor. 14:34-35; Isa. 3:12)
    b. Reverence your husband: v. 33b (I Pet. 3:1-2, 6)
    c. Love your husband and your children (after the
    fact): (Tit. 2:4)
    d. Live with him till death: v. 31 (Rom. 7:2-3)

C. Adding the “one-another” fragrances to your marriage:
(26 in N.T.) (See Hos. 6:3; Rev. 5:8; 8:3-4)

II. EXPERIENCING THE HEAVENLY FRAGRANCE
OF CONFESSION: (Ephesians 4:32)
A. Verbally asking (confessing) your mate/child’s
forgiveness: (Ja. 5:16) * When you have wronged
someone else:
1. It is a command: (Protect and provide, the basis for
all of Christ’s commands) (heals prayer life,
resentment, isolation, triggers spiritual growth, etc.)
2. What forgiveness is (paying the debt of another’s
offense):

“The biggest obstacle to build godly relationships is “justified” self-
centeredness, a selfishness, that, deep in our souls, feels that our
interpersonal failures are reasonable and therefore acceptable in light
of how we have been treated.

  1. How it must work with Christ and others:
    a. Look at the sin from God’s perspective (how it
    hurt Him and how He hates what it does to others and
    ultimately to you):
    b. Take full responsibility for the offense:

c. Ask God to help you hate the sin the way he
hates it:
d. Ask for His help to never to do it again:
e. construct barriers that will keep you a safe
distance from the temptation, so you won’t repeat
the offense. (I Jn. 1:9; Acts 26:20)
4. What must adamantly be rejected:

So when we confess our faults to God or to one another, we usually
try to explain away the sin. Explanations are requests not for
forgiveness, but for understanding. Movement from self-
centeredness toward Christ-centeredness happens only when we
expose our excuses for these interpersonal failures, not as
“understandable mistakes” but rather inexcusably selfish choices.
True requests for forgiveness never explain, they only admit,
acknowledging that the error was without justifiable cause.
“Repentant people” realize that their inexcusable wrong can either be
judged or forgiven, never understood and overlooked, and so they
beg for forgiveness with no thought of deserving it.”

B. Verbally extending to your mate/children, forgiveness:
* When someone else has wronged you. “Forgiveness is a
beautiful word, until you have something to forgive.” C.S. Lewis
1. How it must be buried: (Ps. 103:12; Micah 7:18-19)
“Forgiveness is never overlooking or forgetting a wrong which is
humanly impossible to do. It requires two separate personal choices.
First you must give the person who committed the wrong to Christ for
Him to address at the expense of addressing it yourself. (Rom. 12:19;
Heb. 10:30-31; Deut. 32:35-36) The second choice you must make is to
willingly absorb the costly consequence or debt the offense created,
personally. Forgiveness is ALWAYS driven by choosing to be
“Christ-centered” and “others-centered” at the expense of being
“self-centered”. (Eph. 4:32; Rom. 5:8)

a. I will not bring up the matter ever again:
b. I will not tell other people about the wrong committed
against me:
c. I will treat you from this moment on, as if the wrong
never occurred:

  1. “Keeping on” burying it (never a one time choice
    especially when there are continual offenses): (Mt. 18:21-22; Eph.
    4:32)
    Bitterness erases forgiveness or forgiveness erases bitterness. They
    cannot coexist.” (Eph. 4:32; Isa. 38:17; 43:25; 44:22; Jer. 31:34; Micah
    7:18-19; Rom. 4:7-8)
    Forgiveness when properly received, is designed to change your
    behavior. Being extravagantly forgiven by Christ as a believer,
    should change my behavior in continually forgiving all fellow
    believers. When I can’t forgive one who has sinned against me, I have
    failed to grasp what Christ continually forgives me day in and day out.
    (See Mt. 18:23-35)
    “Our debt to Christ is enormous, and His forgiveness is extravagant.
    In light of this, Christ allows no excuse for withholding forgiveness
    from others.”

  2. Applying the “Ephraim principle”: (Gen. 41:52)

C. Seeking Christ’s forgiveness (verbally confess): (Ps. 51;
I Jn. 1:9; Eph. 4:32)
“The blood of Jesus never cleanses us from an excuse.”
C. T. Boom
1. The necessity of sequence: (Mt. 5:23-24) (See also
Mt. 6:12, 14-15; 18:21-35)
2. The refreshment of “spring time” (may not change
the other person but it will certainly change you):
(Hos. 6:3) “Forgiving is always difficult and often
illogical, but it is the only remedy Christ offers to heal
our hearts.” Jeffress
3. Providing the fragrance of heaven: (Eph. 4:32; Rev.
5:8; 8:3-4)

III. PRINCIPLES TO PERSONALLY APPLY:
(Together becoming “people of the Word” in practice)
A. Verbally asking for forgiveness in your marriage today
minus any justification, is the place to begin if Grace is to
make a giant step of spiritual growth tomorrow. (Begin with
your marital roles and Christ’s marital commands) (Ps. 66:18;
Pro. 15:29b; 28:9; Jn. 9:31; Mt. 6:12, 14-15; 18:35)

B. Christ hates what your disobedience to this command
does in relationship to your marriage, to Christ, to others,
and especially to yourself.

C. “The bottom line issue of your marriage and life itself is
forgiveness.” You can’t come to Christ without forgiveness
(salvation) and you can’t grow in Christ without forgiveness
(communion).

Sinners Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, I was made by you and I was made for you, but
I have been living for myself. I am sorry for that self-rule you call sin.
I believe that Jesus Christ being my creator God, died, was buried,
and rose again to pay the insurmountable debt that my sin has
created since birth. So right now, I am turning from a life of going my
own way, to by faith, place my trust in Jesus Christ, to pay the debt of
all my sin, and to get me to heaven, when I breath my last breath.
Lord Jesus, from today on, I am yours. Thanks for saving me, this
very moment, in Jesus name, Amen.

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