Husband: God’s Shepherd
In His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Willard Harley identifies the top five needs that wives have of their husbands as:
1. Cherisher (non-sexual affection)
2. Communicator (face-to-face conversation)
3. Open Book (no secrets and complete honesty)
4. Provider (so she has the option to work)
5. Family Man (invested in their children)
How does this match up with the role of the husband as described in Scripture?
The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Like Christ, he is to be a good shepherd to his family.
“I am the good shepherd who lays my life down for the sheep.” —John 10:11
Three Assignments for Husbands in Being A Family Shepherd:
Being A Family
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” —Ephesians 5:21
The husband will never be a good leader until he is a good follower, modeling submission to Christ (I Corinthians 11:3).
He also leads out of foundation of mutual submission with his wife. The couple should aim for win-win resolutions as they face decisions. If either husband or wife have serious concerns about a course of action, it may be wisest to alter, delay, or cancel your plans. Husband, God speaks thru your wife who may know you better than you know yourself.
Mutual submission arises out of the fact that when you married, you chose to leave the carefree world of singleness behind. As a single, you were accountable only to God. When you chose to marry, you intentionally chose to form a union with another human being to whom you have responsibilities.
Being A Family
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” —Ephesians 5:22-24
A sovereign is “one who exercises authority within a limited sphere; the acknowledged leader”. God has given the husband a leadership role within the one-flesh union of marriage.
The husband is to lead like Jesus who is described as a prophet (Matthew 21:11; Mark 6:4; Luke 7:16; John 4:19), priest (book of Hebrews), and king (Matthew 1:1). A prophet casts vision for his people. A priest represents his people before God in prayer. A king provides and protects his people.
Two obstacles often prevent husbands from leading their family. Either they don’t aspire to this and content to let their wives captain the ship. Or their wives don’t want them to lead as she may have greater gifts and talents. God’s plan is for wives to affirm their husbands as they seek to lead in a Christ-like manner.
Being A Family
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” —Ephesians 5:25-27
By laying down his life and paying the penalty for our sins, Jesus does everything possible to bring us safely to the heavenly kingdom. Husbands, this is your calling, to do everything humanly possible to lead your family to heaven. A husband is to take special care to guard the soul of his wife, and protect her from sin and temptation.
Beginning with your first date, protect your potential wife’s purity.
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” —Hebrews 13:4
Husbands, it is your responsibility to pray with your wife, bring your family to church, and lead them in following and serving Christ. In Sold Out, football coach Bill McCartney teaches men how to lead their wives and families by first being sold out to God.
In Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, Cindy Beall shares the story of how her marriage to her husband Chris was shattered by betrayal and infidelity. Even the worst marriage can be rescued when both husband and wife turn to Jesus for healing. Married couples, are you committed to building a godly marriage?