1. Spiritual Connection: Pray out loud
2. Emotional Intimacy: 30-minute conversation
3. Sexual Satisfaction: 10 non-sexual touches
4. Constructive Conflict: Rash responses = ruined relationships
“[Love] does not take into an account a wrong suffered.” —1 CORINTHIANS 13:5
Lit: to occupy one’s mind with reckonings or calculations
BIG IDEA: To keep love real, I must resolve my resentments!
RESENTMENT DEFINED: “Bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly”
POINT: Far too many relationships have been all but destroyed by Satan because he has been able to prevent the process of forgiveness from taking place by appealing to our sense of justice, pain, and hurt. But God calls us to seek a higher road that doesn’t skip over these things, but rather resolves them and goes beyond them into the realm of mercy, compassion, and forgiveness!
1. The Causes of Resentment
From the life of Job
— When People Ridicule You
People who are at ease mock those in trouble. They give a push to people who are stumbling. —JOB 12:5
KEY: It’s not only what people say to you, but even worse is what they say about you! Gossip, slander, and criticism are all very painful. Unjust criticism based upon judgment of one’s motives is the most discouraging part of any person’s life - especially a leader’s life. This is often why good leaders quit.
— When People Devalue You
Why are we regarded as beasts, as stupid in your eyes? —JOB 18:3
KEY: How you value me is revealed by the way you treat me! If you treat me like trash, it means you think I am trash. If you treat me like a treasure, it means you think I am a treasure.
PRINCIPLE: Value is expressed primarily by the expenditure of three things: Time, Energy, and Money (Treasure).
— When People Betray You
My best friends abhor me. Those I loved have turned against me. —JOB 19:19
KEY: We resent most those who are closest to us “Best friends abhor me” because they have the greatest ability to hurt us when they “turn against us” and betray us! Consequently, resentment is found most often in families, business partnerships, and volunteer organizations when betrayal has occurred.
Three Main Forms of Betrayal (Intentionally Breaking Trust):
Cheating: I behave dishonestly to gain an advantage.
Slandering: I make false statements to damage you.
Disloyalty: I expose your weakness or break my promise to you for personal gain.
2. The Cure for Resentment – Forgiveness
You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. —COLOSSIANS 3:13
We Only Have Three Options:
1st: Bottle It Up => But can’t just forget it; this causes stress and dishonest lifestyle
KEY: As long as I hang on to the hurts from yesterday, I continue to pay the price today!
I feel burdened by the pain of the offense.
I feel awkward and fearful about running into you in public.
I worry about what I may have told others about you.
I struggle with anger, guilt, rage, and shame.
POINT: Ultimately, when I bottle it up instead of forgiving, I allow the past to eat me alive and destroy my life today! I live a tormented life every day — we’ll see more about this later.
2nd: Rage Against It => Those who hurt you continue to control you. Your conversations are filled with cruel and bitter criticism, and your attitudes are tainted with hate and fantasies of violence!
KEY: When I rage against it, I feel everything in my life with the toxic poison of bitterness!
3rd: Let It Go => The only answer without complications!
BUT HOW?
There’s only one effective antidote to resentment… let it go!
God calls this letting go - forgiveness!