Session 3 Unashamed
What is the most embarrassing moment you have experienced? Write it down below in the blue box, and share it with the group, if it is not too private.
Worship
We are welcome in God’s presence. Remember, Hebrews 4:16 says Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
And Hebrews 10:19-22 says 19Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.
Sing No longer slaves
Prayer & declaration
Dear Father, You are holy, pure and without fault, and I confess that there are times when I feel dirty and not good enough to be in Your presence. But I choose to believe the truth that You have made me completely clean and brand new. Please, heal any wounds in my heart that would keep me distant from You. Thank You. In the holy name of Jesus, amen.
I declare the truth that I am now a new creation in Christ; the old has gone and the new has come! Where does this phrase come from?
I have been cleansed from sin and no longer have to hide behind masks. I command every enemy of the Lord Jesus to leave my presence.
Word
Focus on 2 Corinthians 5:21 which says God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might
The origin of shame
Shame has been around since the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve did something spectacularly wrong. You’d expect them to feel guilty but it’s not obvious that they did.
Before Adam sinned Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame (Genesis 2:25).
After the fall Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves (Genesis 3:7).
What they immediately felt was somehow deeper than guilt, more fundamental. It was not so much guilt but shame.
What is shame?
Guilt says “I did something wrong, I made a mistake.”
Shame says “There is something wrong with me, I am the mistake.”
Shame is the painful emotional experience that comes from believing that there is something very wrong, not so much with what we have done but with who we are.
Where does shame come from?
Western societies tend to use guilt to persuade people to conform.
Eastern societies tend to use shame to persuade people to conform.
In a shame-based society, control is maintained by creating a sense that, if you do not conform to social norms, you yourself are not acceptable. Living up to the image of what is socially acceptable becomes the main cultural value. The fear of being rejected and ostracized is a powerful motivator.
Some families and religious institutions can create mini shame-based cultures even in a guilt-based society. A church leader or parent may overuse the words “ought to” and “should” to make you feel that you have to behave in a certain way to be an accepted part of the church or family or to be a “good Christian”. They broadcast shame messages like: You should be ashamed of yourself!; You’re a disgrace to the family or church!; Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?; You’ll never amount to anything!; I wish you’d never be born!
Things we have done
Any sin that degrades our bodies or causes others to look down on us is a source of shame.
Jesus came specifically to bind up the broken hearts and set you free.
Believing wrong messages
If we believe the world’s lies that we have to be beautiful or slim or whatever to fit in, we can feel tremendous shame if we think we don’t measure up.
When the younger son said, “I am no longer worthy to be called your son,” he was experiencing shame that struck at his very identity. “Make me as one of your hired servants.” He was ready to exchange his son-identity for that of a servant who would be accepted only on the basis of performance.
Shame’s basic message is that we’re not good enough. Not good enough for others to value us and not good enough to be God’s children. It tells us that the best we can hope for is to slave away in the hope that we might one day become acceptable.
Shame drives us to cover up and hide.
Ways we try to cover up and hide
Some of the more common strategies we can develop to cover up and hide include:
1. Lying about your accomplishments (or lack) or things in our past you’re ashamed of
2. Pretending that everything is okay and that you are doing great when you know you’re not
3. Blame-shifting by making everyone else appear to be the problem rather than you
4. Compromising moral or biblical values to fit in, so as to avoid the shame of rejection
5. Compensating for shameful deficiencies in one area by seeking to excel in others
6. Moralizing by preaching hard against ways that you yourself have behaved and are ashamed of
7. Criticizing others harshly in order to make them appear inferior to you
8. Self-medicating in order to blunt the sting and numb the pain of your own shame
9. Striving for perfection in your behavior or your looks to compensate for the painful belief that you fall short of who you believe you should be.
But like Adam and Eve’s fig leaves, these defense mechanisms don’t work. They may provide temporary relief, even convincing us for a time that we are safe. But in the end, like all strategies of the flesh, they fall. God’s way to remove disgrace is grace.
Now, watch the 24:40-minute DVD video 3.1
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT 1
Adam and Eve used fig leaves to cover their sense of shame. What sort of things do people use nowadays? Are you aware of a tendency to use any of these things?
If someone asked you, “Who are you?”, how would you define yourself?
Is your definition based more on what you do or who you actually are?
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