Godly Communication
Proverbs 12 and 15
Today we are going to consider the theme of Godly Communication – God’s Wisdom in our speech and the way we communicate. The way we use our words.
Why do our words matter so much?
Today I am going to talk about the effect of your words on others, on God, and on ourself. Communication skills from the book of Proverbs.
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Proverbs 12:
“15 The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
25 Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 15:
“1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
“7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools.
“23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!
Proverbs 25:11
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
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Scripture:
Proverbs 12
“14 From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things, and the work of their hands brings them reward.
15 The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
16 Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
17 An honest witness tells the truth, but a false witness tells lies.
18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
19 Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.
22 The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.
23 The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves, but a fool’s heart blurts out folly.
25 Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 15
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.
4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
5 A fool despises his father’s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent..
7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools.
14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly.
23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!
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The message today is very simple: why, what and how. I have three points:
Why our words matter
What our words should reflect. Four prayers:
How our words can be a blessing
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1. Why Your Words Matter
a. The effect of your words on others
Death and life are in the power of the tongue – Proverbs 18:21
What we say, that is the tongue, is how we bring the greatest help or harm to others.
Death in the power of the tongue.
Your tongue is a weapon that can wound another person deeply.
If you carry around a weapon that can wound, you have to carry it with great caution and care. Remember that you carry such a weapon with you every day.
Rash words are like sword thrusts… – Proverbs 12:18
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1
Death is in the power of the tongue, our Lord Jesus speaks about this with great clarity in the Sermon on the Mount.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire, – Matthew 5-7
The original word for “fool” Jesus used was “raca,” a term of belittling, insult, demeaning, contempt and abuse. It meant, “you’re useless,” and Jesus warned whoever speaks to another person like that will be in danger of the fires of hell.
Now that would have certainly gotten the attention of the crowd. When Jesus says that the meaning of the sixth commandment includes death by words, you will recognize how this commandment hits a little closer to home than what you may once have thought. Abusive speech is an offense for which a person is accountable to God. It is a violation of the sixth commandment that puts a person in danger of the very fire of hell. Death is in the power of the tongue.
Life in the power of the tongue
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. – Proverbs 12:18
Proverbs 16:24 – “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Proverbs 22:11 – “He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.”
Proverbs 12:25 – “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”
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b. The effect of your words on yourself
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. – Proverbs 18:21
‘With the measure you use, it will be measured to you’ – Matthew 7:2.
“I’m careful of the words I speak, I keep them soft and sweet; I never know from day to day, which ones I’ll have to eat.”
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c. The effect of your words before God
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, – Matthew 12:36
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2. What your words should reflect
a. Lord, Help me to speak with restraint
The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. – Proverbs 15:28
Notice the contrast between the righteous and the wicked. Words pour out from the mouth of the wicked instinctively, but the righteous ponders thoughtfully how to answer.
This is radically countercultural. Self-expression is a leading idol of our culture.
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. – Proverbs 29:1
Notice this important distinction. It is the fool who gives full vent to his spirit, who just lays it out there. But the wise person knows how to exercise restraint. This theme is presented in other places in the book of Proverbs. Here are a couple examples.
Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding – Proverbs 17:27
When we get heated, our words grow more and more numerous while becoming less and less clear.
When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent, – Proverbs 10:19
Here is a way to pray when we get heated: ‘Lord, help me think before I speak.’ This is a mark of a righteous person. We all know less is often more when it comes to our words.
Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him, – Proverbs 29:20
Whoever refrains his words has knowledge, and whoever refrains his lips is prudent.
Prayer: Lord, help me to speak with restraint.
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b. Lord, Help me to speak with humility
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips, – Proverbs 27:2
Prayer: Lord, help me speak with humility.
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c. Lord, Help me to speak with wisdom
To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is! – Proverbs 15:23
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver – Proverbs 25:11
The right word, spoken at the right time and in the right way has great power.
Prayer: Lord, let me speak with this kind of wisdom.
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d. Lord, Help me to speak with grace
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. – Proverbs 16:24
Listen to these three phrases from Proverbs 15:1, 4, 26
A soft answer turns away wrath
A gentle tongue is a tree of life
but gracious words are pure.
With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone, – Proverbs 25:15
Try to take this in: a soft tongue, a gentle tongue, a gracious tongue, is stronger than bone! Gracious kind and gentle words are not weak, they are powerful. These words are very strong, and the reality is that venting has little effect. You can rage, but little will be achieved. Man’s anger does not accomplish God’s will, but grace does! Grace can change a heart of stone.
Just think about your own life - how did God change your heart of stone? His grace that won you? His kindness, was it the glimpse of his love for you, that drew you to Him? God’s kindness lead us to repentance (Romans 2). You want to lead someone to repentance, show them kindness!
Saul of Tarsus, a man as hard as nails, breathed out threats and slaughter. His heart was like stone, but his heart was changed. How?
“By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace was not without effect” (1 Corinthians 15:10, NIV).
David says to the Lord, “Your gentleness has made me great” (Psalm 18:35).
Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be gracious… so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Prayer: Lord, help me to speak with restraint, humility, wisdom and grace.
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3. How our words can be blessing
a. An Open Ear
Listening to the words of others
Proverbs 18:13
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame
If you want to bring blessing to others, you have to listen to them before you speak. We all have done this where we have given an answer before having heard the question.
James 1:19
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.
The open ear means not only that we are cultivating the ability to listen to the words of others, but also that we are practicing what it means to listen to the Word of God.
Listening to the Word of God
Proverbs 22:17-18
Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you if all of them are ready on your lips
These two verse both begin with the ear and end with the lips. Having wisdom on your lips begins with opening your ear.
The way to a wise tongue begins with an open ear. This is taken up very beautifully by Isaiah who spoke prophetically about the Lord Jesus Christ:
Isaiah 50:4-5
“The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught. The Lord GOD has opened my ear…”
Wouldn’t you love to know how to sustain with a word the person who is weary—to be able to say what is helpful to the person who is weighed down? How did Isaiah get this gift?
Isaiah says, God wakens me and opens my ear.
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Listening skills:
1. Stop Talking. Don’t talk, listen.
2. Don’t start planning what to say next.
3. Be Patient.
4. Face the speaker and have eye contact. Listen with your eyes.
5. Listen with respect.
“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
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b. A Pure Heart
The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips – Proverbs 16:23
To Promote Healing
Proverbs 12:18 – “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 18:4 “A person’s words can be life-giving water.”
Proverbs 15:4 “A gentle tongue brings healing.”
Proverbs 16:24 – “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
To Cheer Someone Up
Proverbs 12:25 – “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”
Jesus says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34).
James tells us that no human being can tame the tongue (James 3:8).
The reason is that no human being can change the human heart. Only God can do that. God changes the tongue by changing the heart, and that is why David said, “Create in me a clean heart, O God and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
Notice the pattern:
The ear teaches the heart (Proverbs 22:17; Isaiah 50:4),
and the heart teaches the mouth (Proverbs 16:23).
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c. A Cleansed Mouth
I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips – Isaiah 6:5
When Isaiah saw a vision of God, he found himself overwhelmed by the sheer brightness and purity of God’s holiness. He felt his own sin as he had never felt it before, and he said, ‘I am ruined,’ (Isaiah 6:5). The sins he was most aware of were his sins of speech.
In Isaiah’s vision, God’s provision for sin touched Isaiah at precisely the place that he needed it most, and then God called Isaiah to go out and speak.
See this has touched your lips. Your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for. – Isaiah 6:7
What Jesus accomplished on the cross for sin can bring cleansing to your lips too. The open ear changes the heart, and through faith in Jesus Christ there is a cleansing of the mouth. When you have an open ear, then by God’s grace you too may be able to go and speak, and the words that we speak will not fall on deaf ears, but will be words that bring life.
“The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart”. – Hebrews 4:12
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Prayer:
Lord we pray James 1:19 in regards to all these Proverbs. That we would be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. Lord give us listening ears that we would be more attentive, listening to what others have to say in comparison to talking so much ourselves. Help us to be good listeners and let us be slow in speech, and when we do speak may our words be weighed, may we take seriously what we say, may the content of our words be considered carefully, may we also consider the tone of our words, are our words pleasant, kind, gently, may we weigh the reasons why we say what we say, do our words bring healing to someone, do we say things to cheer people up, to correct, to compliment, Please guard our speech Lord, and give us the right timing, sometimes Lord we are a fool for opening our mouths, when instead we should keep silent, may we be sensitive to the right timing, in the things we might say to someone, so that in all of this, the why, the what, and the how of our speech will bring Glory to You, will Honor You, and would build up others.
Lord we need your help in this area, set a guard over the door of my mouth, help us Lord to be men, women and young people who take very seriously the words that we say.
And we give You the Praise, the Glory and the Honor.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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