VIEWING THE DIRECTION OF YOUR MARRIAGE
Ephesians 4:17-32
I. INTRODUCTION:
A. The command that takes priority over every other
marital command: (Eph. 5:18b; Jn. 15:4a,7) (See also Ps.
127:1; Phil. 2:13; 4:13)
1. Defining abiding or being “filled with the Spirit”:
“The command means to be constantly ‘controlled by’ the Holy Spirit in your
mind, emotions, and will. Paul explains it by allowing the Word of Christ to dwell
(taking it in daily and obeying His instructions promptly and completely, moment
by moment) in you richly.” It is obediently abiding in Christ (confession) and
having His Word abide in me (Biblical input). (Col. 3:16; Mt. 6:35; Rev. 22:17)
2. “Quenching (grieving) the Holy Spirit” (Eph. 4:30; I
Thes. 5:19) cuts off the spiritual nourishment that alone satisfies are heart’s deep
seeded longings in any relationship. We therefore strive to be filled by other
sources, since we lack the where-with-all to fill these empty longings in
ourselves. (work, relationships, accomplishment, etc.) (Compare Jn. 6:27,35 with
Jer. 2:13) (See barometer on back)
B. The “fruit” that is the by-product of where you choose to
“drink”:
1. The fruitfulness of abiding in the flesh: (Gal. 5:15-17)
3. The fruitfulness of “abiding” in the Holy Spirit: “The
character of Jesus Christ (Gal. 5:22-23) poured into your life to
the extent it spills into the lives of those closest to you and
excites a passion to make Him known to others who are lost.
(Jn. 15:16).
C. “Put off” and “put on”, your daily morning must:
vv. 17-23
II. BUILDING OR TEARING DOWN YOUR MARRIAGE BY
YOUR CHOICE, “WHAT TO WEAR”: vv. 25-32
A. Lying, visible indicator of the flesh: v. 25
1. What a lie is: “It is a statement that is either partially
or completely contrary to fact, often with a partial truth attached. The
intent is always to deceive.” (flattery, failing to follow through, filing
falsely your income taxes, where you were, what you watch and what
you got done, who you are with, how you spent time and money, etc.)
- It is the first sin judged by the early church:
(Acts 5:1-11) - The source and temporarily deadly escape route:
(Jn. 8:44; Pro. 28:13; Lk. 8:17)
B. Anger, often visible indicator of the flesh: vv. 26-27
1. Godly anger vs. sinful anger:
a. “Godly anger is Christ’s gift to man designed to
express a reverence for His holiness and a commitment to
loving people, with fruit in mind. It is always theocratic. It
is triggered by actual wrongs against Christ and others, as
explicitly defined in Scripture and motivates me to take
constructive action by stopping the evil, leaving things
better then when I found them. It has no residual impact
into the next day.” (Eph. 4:26-27; Jn. 2:14-17; Neh. 13:25-
27) (Spiritual bent)
b. “Sinful anger is distorted by my own sinful
bents. It is always egocentric. It is triggered by
“perceived wrongs” against me and my expectations of
others, and motivates me to take destructive action,
(sarcasm, raised voice, profanity, name calling, kicking,
hitting, throwing, false accusations, criticism, pouting or
sulking) leaving things worse than when I found them. It
does have residual impact indefinitely with the harbored
hurt fostering depression, critical negativism, over reactive
verbal outbursts and explosive actions. It devours
relationships and will always sour my appetite to be fruitful
for Christ.” (Ps. 37:8; 29:11; Jer. 1:19-20; Eph. 4:31-32)
(fleshly and family bents)
2. Recognizing the “signs” of sinful anger:
3. Sinful anger’s devastating impact in what we say and
do on relationships (trust):
C. Stealing, visible indicator of the flesh: v. 28
1. Stealing time, resources, wealth for personal gain:
2. Rejecting Christ’s motives for His blessings:
D. Corrupt speech, visible indicator of the flesh: v. 29
1. What corrupt speech is all about: “It means that
which is worthless, bad, rotten.” It is cutting, negative talk
used to tear down and promote self. (See Col. 3:8)
2. The connection: It connects your mouth to your
heart. (See Mt. 12:34)
3. It runs contrary to “grace” speech: (Col. 4:6)
E. Bitterness, the deadly invisible indicator of the flesh:
vv. 30-32
1. What bitterness is: “Bitterness refers to a settled hostility that
poisons the whole inner man/woman.” “If you want to commit spiritual suicide,
that might lead to physical death, let something in your heart smolder against
someone else, nurse it , let others know about it, let others know how mean and
unfair the person was to you, justify or omit your part in it. If you keep it up, a
root of bitterness will form and you are in a dreadful, downward, spiral.” It is
drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. It makes you treat others the
way Satan treats you. It is anger multiplied by time.
The four point process of bitterness:
a. Wrath – sudden outburst:
b. Anger – abiding, habitual disposition:
c. Clamor – insulting remarks designed to hurt:
d. Evil speaking – insulting speech to others about
the offensive party:Bitterness is always the destination for one who refuses
to forgive, as Christ forgives:
III. PRINCIPLES TO PERSONALLY APPLY:
(Together becoming “people of the Word” in principle and practice)
A. You must properly dress yourself, for “unexpected”
weather in the AM.
B. Raised hands expose where your marriage is
headed. (I Tim. 2:8; Rom. 12:3)
C. Christ-centered marriages are built exclusively by
adhering to Thee Book.
Sinners Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, I was made by you and I was made for you, but
I have been living for myself. I am sorry for that self-rule you call sin.
I believe that Jesus Christ being my creator God, died, was buried,
and rose again to pay the insurmountable debt that my sin has
created since birth. So right now, I am turning from a life of going my
own way, to by faith, place my trust in Jesus Christ, to pay the debt of
all my sin, and to get me to heaven, when I breath my last breath.
Lord Jesus, from today on, I am yours. Thanks for saving me, this
very moment, in Jesus name, Amen.
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