Sexuality and Spirituality both long for something beyond ourselves, ultimately leading us to our Creator.

God has intricately intertwined our bodies and our souls.

But our culture, both inside and outside of the church, seeks to divide body and soul.

Angels … Spirit, but no body
Animals … Body, but no spirit
People … Spirit & Body

Some parts of Christian culture vilifies sexuality.

Pop culture elevates the body above the soul… with the idea that sex can heal our spiritual brokenness or our soul’s emptiness.

The way of Jesus corrects both of these understandings, and leads us to wholeness, both in the body and soul.

“Every body has a story.”

We all experience these stories in our bodies.

Spirituality: A vast longing that drives us beyond ourselves in an attempt to connect with, to probe, and to understand that which is other than ourselves… It is the inner compulsion to connect with the Eternal Other, that is God.

Sexuality: The deep desire and longing that drives us beyond ourselves in an attempt to connect with and to understand that which is other than ourselves.

Spirituality: The longing to know and be known by GOD… On every level… (Physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.)

Sexuality: The longing to know and be known by OTHER PEOPLE… On every level… (Physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.)

Spirituality is the energy that pulls us towards God.

Sexuality is the energy that pulls us toward Others.

The two are similar in so many ways in that in both instances, we are longing to have a deep connection with something beyond and outside of ourselves.

Church
Anytime we talk about sex or sexuality, in any context, but especially within the church, it can get a little uncomfortable.

Sex, sexuality, and sexual intimacy, is usually either not talked about or talked about in weird ways and awkward ways in our home.

Q. What kind of training, what kind of formation, what kind of coaching, what kind of information did you get in these areas growing up?

Often, any information or viewpoint of sex and sexuality, we have, has been outsourced to schools, friends, and secret movies, videos, and interactions on the Internet.

Q. How did you grow up being formed in this area?

And what complicates this even more is that many people carry deep shame in this area.
Many people have been sinned against in this area.
Many of us have done things we are ashamed of or are wrapped up in addictive behaviors that are difficult to address.

So what is the ultimate goal?
The ultimate goal is a life of sexual wholeness.

Sexual Wholeness:
The integration of our spirituality and sexuality that results in deep satisfying relationships with others, that roots out shame, cultivates vulnerability, and leads to healthy bonding.

The good news is that no matter how complicated or dark your sexual and spiritual past are, we can grow in this and experience WHOLENESS, by the grace of God.

Bible
God created Adam and Eve in his image, and made for a relationship with each other, and with Him. To be made for intimacy, to be made for bonds of connection, And it was perfect.

When God give us a picture of this original couple, He’s painting a picture of his intention for us relationally. And there’s two words or two phrases that are highlighted…

Genesis 2:19-25
19Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
25Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 2:25 (ESV)
“Adam and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

Naked
Not Ashamed

These words describe their relationship to God. And to each other.

They live completely vulnerable lives, and yet feel no shame.

No sense of inadequacy, no need to cover up, no body shaming, no need to hide.

This passage is it not just a passage for married people, it is the original intent for humanity as a whole.

We were created to live in such harmony with each other that it could be described as “naked and not ashamed.“

That word naked is not so much about clothing, but it’s about connection.

Naked: ‘arom’ (Heb) … “to be exposed”

While it often describes nudity, in the Genesis account it has a much deeper meaning. The word itself is derived from the verb, ‘ur, “to be exposed.”

We were made to connect deeply with one another, because we all long for connection. It’s how we were created.

To be naked and unashamed is not just for married couples, but it’s for friendships, it’s for our relationships with our friends and our children.

This is a human thing.

Their love for each other is free from body shaming, free from comparison, free from objectification.

There is a fundamental UNITY between their God, their surrounding creation, and their bodies.

But then something happens in the garden…

They rebel… They sin against God by not trusting that His way was the best. They decided that they had a better way to do it, than what God designed.

And when they made that decision, there was an immediate change…
Sin entered the world.

And it takes on 2 forms immediately.
Sin takes 2 forms immediately…

Shame
Blame

Shame comes first.

Genesis 3:6-7
“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.”

“From this point on, the human experience is marked more by using than by communion, more by a destructive separation of the body and soul than a body-soul unity, more by a paralyzing preoccupation with our bodies, rather than holy unawareness.” (page 135)

So we were made for sexual wholeness.
But we live in a world and have marked by sexual brokenness.

And we have a lack of formation…

3 Diets OF Sexual Formation

Starvation Diet

This is the one that often makes its way into the church.
It’s marked by repression, suppression.
We reject and attempt to ignore our longings.

We don’t talk about our passions, longings, desires.
We don’t deal with the shame around it.
We starve.

But the problem is… You can only repress it and suppress it for so long.
Then at some point you will act out.

This is why there are so many secrets in the church.

So we suppress, we repress, and we act out.
And it’s a mess.

Fast-Food Diet

This is the other side of the spectrum.

If the starvation diet is marked by repression, the fast food diet is marked by reduction.

This is the mindset that “all of my desires deserve to be fulfilled.”
Whatever I want, however, I want it, however often I want it, I can have it.
My way.

Culture: Does it feel right? Yes. Go for it!
Does it fulfill you? Yes. Go for it!

There is no discernment with this diet. We are just simply driven by our passions and our longings.
And we never say no.

And just like fast food, it’s not healthy, it never fully satisfies you, and in the long run makes us very unhealthy..

Both Diets

And so whether it is the starvation diet or the fast food diet, both of them offer an immature, and very incomplete way of thinking about and experiencing our sexuality.

Both have different approaches, but essentially seek to split our body from our soul to treat them as separate.

And so what we are invited into is a life where we reject the starvation diet, where we reject the fast food diet, and we live a life of sexual wholeness.
Which actually leads to more satisfaction, fulfillment, health, and connection.

Which leads us to the third diet…

Banquet

Sexuality is part of God’s good creation.

The Gospel offers a banquet… not just a feast for our bellies, or our bodies, but one that nourishes our soul as well.
The banquet satisfies our soul, our body (longings), our emotions, on a deep level of connection that nothing else can.

The sexual desires we possess, when ordered rightly, bring us into union with God and communion with each other.

The love of God doesn’t remove our desires, it re-orders them.

Sexual Wholeness requires the act of discerning who I give my body to.

This is a big part of discernment. That we give thought to our ways.

We live in a culture that does not see the act of sex as sacred… Whether in movies or in real life.

Sex is Sacred
God intended sex to be sacred.

Sex is seen in our culture as flippant, and if it feels good, you should just go for it.

Sexual intimacy is a fire.
It is a powerful force that bonds people to each other.
Which is why it needs a context that is strong enough to sustain it. And God’s design for the context is marriage.

Sexual intimacy is an act that gives expression to our vows of love.
It’s saying with our bodies what we promised with our words when we join in marriage.

It is saying that we will do things and enjoy things together that no one else will.

And we will keep everyone out of this sacred space… In person and virtually.

Sexual intimacy is an expression of covenant. Which is why when it’s done outside of a covenant, it is cheapened.

Singleness
The word on singleness…
You can actually enhance your sexuality and your sexual wholeness, while remaining single.
The more you connect with others without having to be “sexual” the more sexually whole you are.
You’re still keeping sex sacred for where and when the time comes, but it is not limiting your ability to connect with others.
You are learning how to connect in a deep way without cheap, fast food, diet.

The Gospel offers good news to those of us carrying shame.

Your own sin.
You have been sinned against.

The mystery of the cross is that Christ defeats sin.
It conquers shame.

Jesus takes it all on and conquers it.

Its the opposite of what happened in the garden.
Jesus reverses the curse.

Adam hides behind a tree naked and conquered by shame.
Jesus hangs on a tree, naked and conquers shame.

Jesus reverses what happened in the garden.
Sin came through Adam.
Righteousness comes through Jesus.

Guilt comes through Adam and Eve.
Holiness and love come through Jesus.

No matter what you’re carrying today, in Christ Jesus, you are loved.
You are forgiven.
You are made holy.

You are empowered for a life of sexual wholeness.

Sexuality is part of God’s good creation.