
Song of Solomon:
Week 1
Strengthen Marriages.
Marriage statistics worth mentioning.
- 1970 - 80% 25-35 year old Americans were married
- 2015 - 40%
- 2,065,905 marriages in 2022
- 2022 - 6.2 marriages per 1,000 people
“If we want to make a great impact on marriages, we must preach God more and marriage less. It’s not that we preach on marriage too much, it’s that we aren’t preaching on the glory of God as it should be.” - John Piper
Song of Solomon details love between a bridegroom and his bride, and provide a mirror of the love between Christ and His bride.
“It is a song, an Epithalamium (eppa-tha-lay-mee-um), or nuptial song, wherein, by the expressions of love between a bridegroom and his bride, are set forth and illustrated the mutual affections that pass between God and a distinguished remnant of mankind.” - Matthew Henry
“It is not just that this song is really physical and also points to something spiritual in relationship to God and the church, but that life is physical and points to something spiritual.
If you come to the Song of Solomon without having read life as allegorical — that is, life as pointing to the glories of union with Christ — you are probably going to stomp all over this beautiful poem like you have got spikes on instead of slippers. It is not going to be very fruitful. In other words, this is not for children. To get this right, this is not for men and women for whom sexual intercourse is merely a one-dimensional flight of passion.
If all you have in your bedroom is a one-dimensional flight of physical passion, you are not fit to read the Song of Solomon. Sex is that, but it is way more than that, because life is way more than that. The Song of Solomon will be handled well by those who know that real sexual relations — not just in literature — is a picture of something glorious, and it is no less physical for that any more than the heavens that proclaim the glory of God are less physical when they do. So I just want to kind of plead for people to go deep into all of life as a parable of Christ and his church, and then they might be fit to handle a literary description of sexuality the way they should.” - John Piper
3 main voices
- Man
- Woman
- Others
“Divine wisdom makes it plain that a healthy romantic relationship will be one in which the woman’s voice is cultivated, heard, and fully considered.” - Jay Harvey
- Don’t date in isolation
- Marriages need support
Song of Solomon 1:1
Song of Solomon 1:2-4a
Attraction
“Your name…”
“If looks or attractiveness or talent were a good foundation for a relationship then the most stable relationships in the world should be in Hollywood.” - Ben Stuart
Song of Solomon 1:4b
“Love is blind”
If you’re unsure about the person you’re dating, you need to get them around your friends and family.
If you’re completely smitten with the person you’re dating, you REALLY need to get them around your friends and family.
Song of Solomon 1:5-7
Song of Solomon 1:8
Song of Solomon 1:9-10
Song of Solomon 1:11
“What does any of this have to do with God?”
To whom or to what do your affections long?
May it be Christ.
Week 2
Marriage Retreat - Oct. 16-18, $200 per couple
Song of Solomon details love between a bridegroom and his bride, and provides a mirror of the love between Christ and His bride.
As we read at the start of this song, we see the longing of the woman toward
To whom or to what do your affections long?
May it be Christ.
Song of Solomon 1:12-14
Song of Solomon 1:15
Song of Solomon 2:1-2
Song of Solomon 2:3-6
Song of Solomon 2:7
While marriage is the picture that God uses to show His desire for us, marriage is neither a requirement, nor the pinnacle of the Christian life.
“For those unmarried, this verse is your Creator giving you permission to excuse yourself from the romantic rat race. If love and romance never awaken for you, you can still be vibrantly alive in God’s world.” - Eric Ortlund
“The charge is that the girls should not allow themselves to be aroused sexually until the proper time and person arrives. The natural joy of sexual awakening is ruined by premature experimentation.” - Duane Garrett
Exclusivity, not experience, fosters intimacy.
Chemistry is a reaction; love is a decision.
Song of Solomon 2:8-9
Song of Solomon 2:10-13
ACTION:
Approaches
Stands
Calls
He has met us where we are and invites us on the journey.
Song of Solomon 2:14
Song of Solomon 2:15
There is significant debate around the meaning of this verse.
the playfulness of love, in chasing the foxes.
a call to deal with small conflicts and issues that could eat away at the couple’s relationship.
the couple themselves are asking their community to help protect their relationship from the things that will destroy them.
Song of Solomon 2:16-17
Too many “Christians” live out their faith in a way that more acurrately resembles a husband and wife whose physical intimacy never goes beyond a high five.
“If we be his, his wholly, his only, his for ever, we may take the comfort of his being ours.” - Matthew Henry
Week 3
Song of Solomon details love between a bridegroom and his bride, and provides a mirror of the love between Christ and His bride.
Song of Solomon 3:1-5
This is the passion you should pursue your spouse with
Duty often precedes desire
This is the passion and urgency in which we should seek Christ
“Mark, that according to the text, it is very apparent that Jesus will go away if he is not held. ‘I held him and I would not let him go;’ as if he would have gone if he had not been firmly retained. When he met with Jacob that night at the Jabbok, he said, ‘Let me go.’ He would not go without Jacob’s letting him, but he would have gone if Jacob had loosed his hold. The patriarch replied, ‘I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.’ This is one of Christ’s ways and manners; it is one of the peculiarities of his character. When he walked to Emmaus with the two disciples, ‘he made as if he would have gone further:’ they might have known it was none other than the Angel of the Covenant by that very habit. He would have gone further, but they constrained him, saying, ‘Abide with us for the day is far spent.’ If you are willing to lose Christ’s company he is never intrusive, he will go away from you, and leave you till you know his value and begin to pine for him. ‘I will go,’ says he, ‘and return to my place, till they acknowledge their offense, and seek my face: in their affliction they will seek me early.’ He will go unless you hold him.” - Charles Spurgeon
Song of Solomon 3:6-11
Revelation 19:6-16
Jesus and Solomon
Similarities
- Both are approaching their bride surrounded by armies
- Both are clothed in fine linen signifying honor
- Both are crowned in glory
Differences
- Solomon is clothed in royal garb, Jesus while clearly royal, is clothed in blood
- Solomon appears to be posturing his strength, Jesus comes ready for battle
- Solomon is the greatest king in wisdom, wealth, and land that Israel ever knew. Jesus is the King of Kings
- May marriage always draw us closer to Christ
- May we be ready for our Groom to approach
Week 4
“Our culture abounds with images and paradigms that corrupt more than they instruct and wound more than they heal. So much of the culture’s presentation of sexuality is crass, lacking the beauty and mystery that should characterize the physical consummation and enduring love of marriage. A study of the Song of Solomon can revise our understanding and help us reclaim in holiness the sexual expression that God has created and declared good.” - Jay Harvey
Song of Solomon 4:1-4
“No man could “conquer” her, and her suitor is awed by the dignity she carries. Her love is a gift; it could never become plunder.” - Duane Garrett
“Most men want to be romantic but are haunted by past failures and the fear they’ll disappoint you.” - Shaunti Feldhahn
Song of Solomon 4:5-6
Proverbs 5:15-19
Song of Solomon 4:7
Song of Solomon 4:8-10
Every Second:
- 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet.
- $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet.
- 372 people are typing the word “adult” into a search engine.
Every Day:
- 37 pornographic videos are created in the United States.
- 2.5 billion emails containing porn are sent or received.
- 68 million search queries related to pornography- 25% of total searches- are generated.
- 116,000 queries related to child pornography are received.
How Online Pornography Affects Americans
- About 200,000 Americans are classified as “porn addicts.”
- 40 million American people regularly visit porn sites.
- 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography.
- 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails.
- One-third of porn viewers are women.
Pornography …
- increases the odds of teenage pregnancy
- hinders healthy sexual development
- increases the risk of depression
- distorts expectations thus hindering healthy future sexual experiences
- increases the marital infidelity rate by 300%
“Trying to remove sex from these boundaries has not liberated us. It’s cost us more than we wanted to give.” - Ben Stuart
Song of Solomon 4:11-15
1 Corinthians 7:1-5
Song of Solomon 5:16
“It is difficult to deny that this is a couple in the process of consummating their marriage.” Duane Garrett
Song of Solomon 5:1
“What God has celebrated and planned for your sex life is so much better than anything the world has skewed it into being. As men and women, we can learn to respond to each other in ways that enhance our love for each other in every aspect, especially sex in the covenant of marriage.” - Ben Stuart
For the unmarried:
- Repentance for pursuit of sexual pleasure outside of God’s boundaries.
- Renewed commitment of your life to God and your potential future spouse.
For the married:
- Repentance for pursuit of sexual pleasure outside of God’s boundaries.
- Honest conversation, and possible apology for your sexual life.
For all of us:
- Repentance for pursuit of sexual pleasure outside of God’s boundaries.
- Seek God’s best for our joy, pleasure, and fulfillment.
Week 5
Marriages require regular and intentional attention and maintenance.
Song of Solomon 5:2-6
The Song, along with the rest of the Bible, portrays marriage as a deeply good gift, and falling in love as something so beautiful it almost will not go into words. But the same book that poetically adorns romance also makes it clear that love will not always be easy or pain-free. We see this mostly clearly in 5:2–6:3, which describes, in dream-like fashion, a break in the couple’s relationship that is eventually healed.” - Eric Ortlund
Vulnerability simultaneously increases the potential for hurt and intimacy.
“A misalignment of your desires will lead to disconnect and miscommunication and tension.” - Ben Stuart
6 Most Common Challenges to Marital Harmony:
- Communication
- Money
- Daily Stress/Schedules (work, kids, etc)
- Expectations (of each other & others on you - family)
- Harmful behaviors (attitudes/disrespect, substance abuse, choice of friendships)
- Sexual intimacy
1 Peter 3:9-11
Song of Solomon 5:7-8
Two potential explanations:
1. Literal interpretation
2. Past reflection
We have created a cultural expectation (even in the church) that you keep your marital problems to yourself. This is not the biblical example.
There are times in which the best thing for our marriage is the encouragement and support of our trusted friends.
Song of Solomon 5:9
Song of Solomon 5:10-16
We have tendency to list each other’s faults or our growing list of frustrations with each other rather than consider the blessing and goodness that initially drew us to each other.
“If your goal is to win the argument, you may get victory at the cost of intimacy.” - Ben Stuart
Song of Solomon 6:1
True friends will fight for your marriage, even when you’ve given up.
Song of Solomon 6:2-3
What’s important is that they are BOTH seeking to restore their relationship.
Are you honoring your spouse in your own heart and mind?
Our response to our spouse must be like that of Christ’s to His bride: Reconciliation & restoration.
Week 6
Marriages require regular and intentional attention and maintenance.
What’s important is that they are BOTH seeking to restore their relationship.
Are you honoring your spouse in your own heart and mind?
Our response to our spouse must be like that of Christ’s to His bride: Reconciliation & restoration.
Conflict in our marriages is often the result of behaviors, attitudes, miscommunication, and misunderstanding over time.
“I give to you in the presence of God, my promise to stand by your side, in sickness and health, in joy and in sorrow, in good times and the bad.”
What does it look like to remain committed to each other in sorrow and difficult seasons?
Ephesians 4:26
We must be more committed to Christ & our spouse than we are to being or feeling justified.
Song of Solomon 6:3
Song of Solomon 6:4-10
“The implication is that his desire for her and admiration of her have not diminished now that he has possessed her sexually.” - Duane Garrett
His love for us has not wained, nor will it.
Song of Solomon 6:11-12
Song of Solomon 6:13a
If we are not willing to leave everyone behind in order to unite with Christ, we have not truly surrendered our lives to Him.
Marriage is a mirror for our relationship with Jesus.
Song of Solomon 6:13b
We must invest in restoring and rekindling our marriages after conflict with the same (if not more) time and intensity we contributed to the conflict.
Each of us need to evaluate our commitment to Christ.
Did you truly surrender your life? If not, do it now!
Have you delayed returning to Him after sinning? Return now!
Week 7
We must invest in restoring and rekindling our marriages after conflict with the same (if not more) time and intensity we contributed to the conflict.
If we are not willing to leave everyone behind in order to unite with Christ, we have not truly surrendered our lives to Him.
Each of us need to evaluate our commitment to Christ.
2 ways to destroy a marriage:
1. Explosive disastrous behavior.
2. Slow unraveling over time.
According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers - 67.5% of failed marriages site a breakdown of communication as the cause. Infidelity was #2 at 30%
“I would say if there is one gateway drug to pornography that almost every guy in my group goes through it’s Instagram.” - Josh Haskell
“Social media is the new roof David stood on to look at Bathsheba.” - Unknown
In order to make our marriages last and flourish over time, we must…
- Flee from disastrous behavior
- Intentionally invest in our spouse
Song of Solomon 7:1-5
What does it look like to remain committed to each other in sorrow and difficult seasons?
Ephesians 4:26
We must be more committed to Christ & our spouse than we are to being or feeling justified.
Song of Solomon 6:3
Song of Solomon 6:4-10
“To the Western reader, the description of her nose hardly seems complementary. The point is neither that her nose is large or that she is superhuman. Viewed from a distance, a mountain (or tower) adds symmetry and comeliness to an otherwise nondescript horizon. Her nose complements and sets off her facial beauty.” - Duane Garrett
Song of Solomon 7:6-9a
“What Christ has said he will do, in favour to his people; we may be sure he will do it, for his kind purposes are never suffered to fall to the ground; and if he take hold of the boughs of his church, take early hold of her branches, when they are young and tender, he will keep his hold and not let them go.” - Matthew Henry
Song of Solomon 7:9b-10
Song of Solomon 7:11-13
They have committed to each other; now they will cultivate together.
What is required for an enduring healthy marriage?
“A commitment to personal growth & a celebration of the good in your spouse.” - Ben Stuart
We have the ability to adjust the focus.
“Admiration leads to affection.” - Ben Stuart
We need to prioritize recognizing and expressing the good things we see in our spouse.
Are you remaining committed publicly and privately to your spouse?
How are you cultivating your life together?
Are you remaining committed publicly and privately to Christ?
How are you cultivating your life with Christ?
21 Days of fasting & prayer
Week 8
Song of Solomon 8:1-4
There are at least two takeaways from this:
1. Regularly express not-so-sexual acts of affection.
2. Prioritize regular private time for full affection.
Song of Solomon 8:5
Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Two ways to understand her reference
1. To seal something closed.
2. View it as a marking.
“Radical self-donation”
Tim Keller
- Covenant vs. Contract:
Contract:A contract is a conditional agreement where obligations are based on the other party’s performance.If one party fails, the other is free to withdraw.
- Covenant:A covenant is a more personal and binding agreement, where obligations are based on one’s own commitment, regardless of the other party’s actions. It’s about faithfulness and commitment, even in the face of hardship.
Why?
- It will fail otherwise.
- More importantly, if marriage is a reflective example of God’s love for us, it must be.
Every true Christian is desperately grateful that God’s love for him/her is covenantal and not contractual.
Son of Solomon 8:8-9
How do we as a community help protect and prepare young women for love?
Wall or Door
“What looked to Jim (her husband) as militant morality was partly the knowledge that deep in a woman she holds the key to the situation where a man’s passions are involved. He will be as much a gentleman as she requires. But when the chips are down probably no more, even if he has strict standards of his own. He will measure her reserve, always testing the limits, probing. ‘Keep your distance’ I say to women. Recognize the fundamental anomaly of human nature, that what we prize we cannot often get. We take for granted, even come to despise that which costs us no effort.” - Elizabeth Elliott
The point is that there is a standard that we…
- should hold ourselves to
- instruct young people to understand
- work to protect each other from compromising
Song of Solomon 8:10-12
Two things I want to make sure we hear from this passage:
- Our current season isn’t necessarily the final season.
- Trust God with your story.
- There is a love that is worth more than anything this world has to offer, and it is found in Jesus.
Song of Solomon 8:13
Song of Solomon 8:14
“The message is that the mutual pleasures of love are good and possible even in this fallen world. The Song is a testimony to the grace of God and a rejection of both asceticism and debauchery.” - Duane A. Garrett
“God chose to love you, not for a time, but forever.” - Charles H. Spurgeon