Lesson Five: Uncommon Marriage
Robertson McQuilken was the beloved president of Columbia Bible College for 22 years and was married to his wife, Muriel, for 55 years. In 1990 when Muriel began to suffer from the ravages of advanced Alzheimer’s disease he resigned his post at Columbia to care for her. Here is the letter he read to the student body:
“My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about eight years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever-growing needs and my leadership responsibilities at CBC. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just “discontent.” She is filled with fear – even terror – that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. Then she may be full of anger when she cannot get to me. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full-time.
Perhaps it would help you to understand if I shared with you what I shared at the time of the announcement of my resignation in chapel. The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health…till death do us part.” So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more; I love Muriel. She is a delight to me – her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, and occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I do not have to care for her, I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.”
Men, in light of our society’s grim and pessimistic view of marriage, Dr McQuilken provides an example of what love and commitment looks like. In this lesson we are going to look more closely at how each of us can grow our marriages, and for those in the group not married, it is a chance to prepare yourself more fully for the possibility of marriage.
Goals for the Lesson
● To evaluate where your marriage is right now
● Learn how to more effectively love your wife and grow your marriage
Warm Up
Describe for the group the first date with your wife or how you got engaged
Bible Study
For our study today we are going to examine Ephesians 5:25-33. In this passage Paul is speaking words that were extremely controversial for the time. He was speaking to a Greco-Roman culture that was very hierarchical/patriarchal in which women were owned and treated like property. He provides a completely new perspective on love and marriage that will help each of us love our wives unconditionally and sacrificially.
Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Discussion Questions
1. What do we learn about God from this passage?
2. What do we learn about mankind from this passage?
3. What do we learn about marriage from this passage?
4. What do we learn about loving our wives from this passage? What are the different ways that we are to demonstrate our love?
Talk by Brady Boyd
Listen to the message by Brady Boyd that was given at the 2020 No Regrets Men’s conference. The talk is called: “Remarkable Marriage” and it can be found on the No Regrets app, under Conference Media/ 2020 Platform talks.
Brady Boyd is the senior pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. After college he worked as a high school English teacher, basketball coach and sports broadcaster. In 1998 he switched careers and became a pastor and served at several churches before becoming the senior pastor of New Life Church in August of 2007. Brady has been married to Pam since August 12, 1989. They have two children: Abram and Callie. Brady has written several books including: Addicted to Busy, Speak Life, Let her Lead and Remarkable. He has lived in Texas, but was born and raised mostly in Louisiana which explains his obsession with LSU football.
Notes from Talk
Discussion Questions
- Share briefly what attracted you to your wife/girlfriend initially. Share a good trait you have seen her demonstrate this past week.
- Discuss what these mean to you:
- The enemy wants to destroy you.
- The Lord loves you enough to bring everything into the light.
- Talk through the ten steps of an affair:
- Something makes you lean away from your marriage
- Awareness of another woman in your life
- Innocent meeting leads to flirting
- Intentional planned meetings
- Something happens in your heart
- Start the romantic language of talking about your feelings
- Isolated meetings with the guise of legitimate purposes
- Embraces become passionate
- Sex happens
- The affair becomes public
- Read Proverbs 5 as a group. Talk about the warnings and consequences you see in this passage. Name the blessings of walking the straight path.
- Do you feel that your marriage is taking second place to something else in your life right now? Talk through the steps to affair-proof your marriage.
- Pray together holding hands. Bless her.
- Cultivate your friendship. Treat her as your best friend
- Talk openly about sexual temptations.
- Praise one another often.
Sharing and Prayer Time
Each man share with the group what they think they can do to more fully love their wife in the coming week.
Pray over what was shared to close your time.
Assignment for next week
For next week you will be listening to a talk given by Skye Jethani at the 2020 No Regrets Men’s Conference. The talk was entitled: “Redeeming Work” and can be found on the No Regrets app, under Conference Media/ 2020 Platform speakers. There is a place for notes in Lesson Six.
Important - The app will not necessarily save your fill-in notes. Please click on “EMAIL” and email this devotional (with your notes) to yourself.