Isaiah 53:4
Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
Strongs Concordance says this word is translated grief, disease, sickness, anxiety, affliction, calamity.
Grieving is how we process pain and loss so we can let go of the past, let go of hurt, and move forward with Him.
“It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.”
Ecclesiastes 7:2-4 ESV
“Again I saw all the oppressions that are done under the sun. And behold, the tears of the oppressed, and they had no one to comfort them! On the side of their oppressors there was power, and there was no one to comfort them. And I thought the dead who are already dead more fortunate than the living who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been and has not seen the evil deeds that are done under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 4:1-3 ESV
“In my vain life I have seen everything. There is a righteous man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs his life in his evildoing.”
Ecclesiastes 7:15 ESV
“Righteous are you, O Lord, when I complain to you; yet I would plead my case before you. Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all who are treacherous thrive? You plant them, and they take root; they grow and produce fruit; you are near in their mouth and far from their heart.”
Jeremiah 12:1-2 ESV
Why is this in the Bible?!
Everyone is going to suffer, experience pain, loss, brokenness, death, and the effects of living in a fallen world.
We aren’t good at grieving.
Not grieving can rob of us of experiencing God’s full power and redemption! Grieving does not last forever, as Psalms 30 says - it is the night but God brings His joy in the morning.
What comes to mind when you think of biblical mourning and grieving?
“in the first year of his reign, I, Daniel, perceived in the books the number of years that, according to the word of the Lord to Jeremiah the prophet, must pass before the end of the desolations of Jerusalem, namely, seventy years. Then I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him by prayer and pleas for mercy with fasting and sackcloth and ashes.”
Daniel 9:2-3 ESV
Culturally, Israel repented and mourned every year. Yom Kippur is the 10th day of Rosh Hashanah (feast of trumpets).
““Now on the tenth day of this seventh month is the Day of Atonement. It shall be for you a time of holy convocation, and you shall afflict yourselves and present a food offering to the Lord. And you shall not do any work on that very day, for it is a Day of Atonement, to make atonement for you before the Lord your God. For whoever is not afflicted on that very day shall be cut off from his people. And whoever does any work on that very day, that person I will destroy from among his people. You shall not do any work. It is a statute forever throughout your generations in all your dwelling places. It shall be to you a Sabbath of solemn rest, and you shall afflict yourselves. On the ninth day of the month beginning at evening, from evening to evening shall you keep your Sabbath.””
Leviticus 23:27-32 ESV
“Then the disciples of John came to him, saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?” And Jesus said to them, “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast. No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made. Neither is new wine put into old wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.””
Matthew 9:14-17 ESV
Greek “neos” means “new in existence”, but the word used for “fresh” is “kainos” which means “renewed”!
Luke 6 says: everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.
“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it.”
John 11:5, 14-15, 33-38 ESV
What losses do we sometimes skip over?
* Job changes
* Kids growing and leaving the nest, change in parental relationship to friendship and coach/mentor
* Loss of friendship
* Change in community
* Suffering and sickness
* When our prayers aren’t answered in the timeframe we want
* Change of seasons - ie going to college, getting married, having kids, middle age, retirement, etc
* Immaturity
* The consequences of sin in other’s lives
* Unbelief and unfaith
Instead of grieving we often go to…
* Anger
* Bitterness
* Rationalization
* Denial
* Control
* Isolation & hiding
* Distraction
* Over-the-top Risk
* Guilt & Self loathing
* Deaden our hearts
* Compartmentalization
What does good grieving look like as a spiritual discipline? Here’s a process to start with…
* Sit down and write a list of painful things
* Don’t stop when it is uncomfortable, painful, and it feels overwhelming, keep writing
* Find someone or a group to talk to, potentially to cry with
… and if someone comes to you needing to grieve, do not try to fix them. Romans 12 - Weep with those who weep.
Here are some other ways to grieve for you to consider:
* Mountain top experiences
* Letting others grieve with you. Talking with others about what you are grieving about (and listening as others tell you about their grief and grieving with them)
* Prayer and prayer language
* Exercise
* Music
* Altar calls & ministry time
* Writing about your losses
* Time to process and let your mind become quiet, meditation, renewing of the mind
* Repentance