Marriage worksheet 8

God’s design protected

“I wasn’t looking for sex when Frank and I first became friends. It was just so good to talk to a man who was thoughtful of my feelings. We could talk so easily. He made me feel good about myself. Dave hadn’t listened to anything I said in menths.” This is a common beginning to the story of a destroyed marriage. This opening phrase uses the word feeling twice. Are our feelings always trustworthy, or can they distract and deceive us?

Group discussion
We can think of rules as limiting our freedom or as serving to protect us. Think of a rule your parents made that you thought was unnecessary but you now see was really for your protection. What changed your thinking?

Personal reflection
Reflect on your struggle with sin and the sexual temptations around you. Talk to God about your desire to be pure in His sight.

God’s design for a permanent, exclusive, one flesh relationship is under constant attack. In Matthew 5 Jesus reinforces God’s protection of His design and the seriousness of sin.

Exodus 20:14 (NIV) says You shall not commit adultery.
Now we’ll read Jesus’ own words in Matthew 5:27-30 (NIV) ²⁷“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ ²⁸But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Q1 How does Jesus’ attitude toward adultery differ from our culture’s attitude?

Q2 What kinds of behavior are prohibited by the command do not commit adultery?

Q3 People usually give reasons for their adultery: We love each other, I don’t love my wife anymore, My spouse doesn’t meet my needs. Why are there no exceptions given to the command against adultery?

Q4 Jesus’ definition of adultery includes lustful looks and thoughts (v 28). We cannot prevent evil thoughts from coming to our minds, but we do choose what we do with them. What is the difference in being tempted by a lustful thought and committing adultery in our hearts?

Q5 What is the difference between lust and God-given sexual desires?

Q6 In what ways are the eye and hand avenues to sexual temptation (vss 29-30)?

Q7 Obviously, gouging out an eye or cutting off a hand would not remove our ability to lust. How does Jesus intend us to apply his commands in verses 29-30?

Q8 How might the way we dress, our conversation and our lifestyle be a source of temptation to someone of the opposite sex?

Q9 How does Jesus’ teaching here make flirting or trying to make a spouse jealous off limits?

Q10 How can a couple protect their marriage against a third person who flirts with or pursues one of them?

Q11 How does God’s command for faithfulness in marriage show his loving concern for our highest good?

Prayer
Pray for the intention to avoid adultery or anything leading up to it. Confess your sins. Ask God for courage and faith to stand against culture’s acceptance of adultery.

Homework
Make a list of the qualities that first attracted you to your spouse. Then make a date with your spouse this week so you can read your lists to each other. Express appreciation for every positive contribution your spouse has made to you.