Marriage: God’s Bonding
You were designed by your Creator to bond with one person for one lifetime. As noted by Dr. McIlhaney and Dr. Bush in their book Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development, oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men are often called “monogamy molecules” as they bond you with your spouse and with your children. In Matthew 19, Jesus underscores the permanence of marriage in a dialog with the Pharisees.
Four Foundational Principles Regarding the Permanence of Marriage:
Marriage Is
“Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female?” —Matthew 19:4.
While God created partners for each of the animals,
“For Adam no suitable helper was found.” —Genesis 2:20.
While Adam was formed from dust, Eve was formed directly and uniquely from the side of Adam. Two individuals of the opposite sex were formed for each other.
The family (husband, wife, children) was created as a deliberate parallel to the divine Trinity (Father, Son, Spirit). There is equality in essence but not in roles. While the husband is called to shepherd his family, the wife has a nurturing role while children are to honor and obey their parents.
Marriage Is Our
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” —Matthew 19:5
God originally created one man and one woman so divorce was not an option.
We must make an intentional choice to invest in our marriages. While it’s easy to “fall in love”, staying in love takes work! Dr. Willard Harley says a healthy marriage needs about 15 hours of “together time” each week to thrive.
Becoming “one flesh” involves bonding in four ways: socially as best friends, emotionally as confidantes, spiritually as soulmates; and physically as lovers.
Sexual immorality, including pornography, is a killer of marriages as it messes up your ability to bond.
Marriage Is
“So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” —Matthew 19:6
There is no room for a third person in the marital bond.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” —Proverbs 4:23
Josh McDowell writes of this importance in Why True Love Waits.
What happens if you’ve blown it? We are justified (just-as-if-I’d never sinned) by Christ’s blood (Romans 3:24). The Bible is filled with people who blew it the first time around (Jonah, Joseph, Moses, Paul). God is a God of second chances!
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“Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?’ Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning…Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” —Matthew 19:8-9
Although God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), he permits it for two reasons: marital unfaithfulness and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (I Corinthians 7:15).
Many have experienced God’s grace in miraculous ways after the devastation of divorce. Others can testify of God’s healing power after divorce seemed inevitable. Either way God’s intention is that marriage be permanent. It is a picture of God’s unfailing love for us. Even though we may fail him time after time, nothing will separate the true believer from God’s love (Romans 8:38-39).