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Big Idea

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:31-32

Our culture is and always will be in conflict with a Biblical view of marriage.
Before marriage, Satan does all he can to bring two people together toward sexual intimacy and after marriage he does all he can to tear couples apart.

When there are problems in our marriages, the best question to ask is “Where is the hardness in my own heart?” rather than, “When can I quit?” This wisdom applies in all our relationships.

Ice Breaker

1. Imagine being in a hospital waiting room. Nearby a woman and her kids are talking and you hear she is waiting for the report from the surgeon on results of her husband’s surgery. You can hear the doctor giving her this news:

   “It was a long, tough surgery…he’s in serious trouble and he will need help from you and the kids for months in order to ensure that he will survive. The whole family will need to work hard for him to live.”

   Imagine her saying to the doctor:

   “I want to know…how long do I have to work at this before I can let him die? When have I done enough for it to be ok to quit?”

   When the subject of marriage and divorce come, up our attitude can be seen when we focus on “When is it okay to quit?” God’s focus is on asking a very different question: “Where is my hardness of heart?”
   

2. Share with the group about a time when you were in the midst of pain in a relationship with someone–spouse, child, friend, or co-worker. If you are married, focus primarily on your relationship with your spouse with this question. Did you lean toward quitting, avoiding, powering up? Did you lean toward personal reflection on your own struggle with hardness of heart?

   Share with the group what helped you to get traction in your heart and mind toward redemption in the struggle.
   

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Next Step

Discuss :: Which pain stage are we in?

• Beach ball stage: “So, we are finally alone together.”
• Pressure cooker stage: “We are never alone with each other.”
• Straw stage: “Do we have to be alone with each other?”
• “I quit” stage: “I’d rather be alone than be with you.”
  
  

Do :: What is one thing I (we) can implement in our day to grow closer to God and to each other?

Additional Discussion Questions

1. Consider taking some time as a group to be quiet with God so that each group member can search their own heart before God and ask Him to reveal any harness of heart. Invite group members to share what God is revealing to them.
   

2. If your group is a couples group consider giving time to each couple to talk privately with each other so that they can each take ownership regarding any hardness of heart they are aware of with their spouse. This can be adjusted to other relationships if the group is not a couples group.
   

3. Give each person in your group an opportunity to find a reading plan for God’s Word. Having a plan to read with someone else is recommended. Consider asking the entire group if they are interested in adopting the same reading plan as a group.