Why I Shouldn’t Forgive
“The Power of Forgiveness” - Part 2
If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
—Matthew 6:14-15
THERE ARE 4 REASONS WHY I SHOULDN’T FORGIVE:
1. Forgiveness
Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. —Proverbs 17:14 (NLT)
People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs. —Proverbs 19:11 (NLT)
FORGIVENESS DOES NOT TRIVIALIZE OUR PAIN, JUST AS GOD DOES NOT TRIVIALIZE OUR SIN!
Some people believe that when God forgives our sin, He overlooks our sin, but that is not what the Bible teaches!
The Lord is slow to get angry, but his power is great, and he never lets the guilty go unpunished. —Nahum 1:3 (NLT)
If a perfect God finds it impossible to just “overlook” sin against Him, how could He expect us to just “overlook” the serious hurts inflicted by others against us?
Sin creates an obligation – and someone has to pay! If forgiveness is going to simply gloss over the serious wrongs that have been done to me, then I shouldn’t have to forgive! Or should I?
2.
Such a legitimate fear about the consequences of forgiveness probably prompted this question from Peter to Jesus …
Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” —Matthew 18:21 (NLT)
3. Forgiveness places too much responsibility on the
Isn’t it unrealistic to place the forgiveness burden on the victim of the wrong? Is it logical to expect them to be able to let go of serious hurts? Aren’t we asking them to do the impossible?
The word of God gives us the distinct impression that He doesn’t exempt us from tasks just because they’re unfair or difficult …
38 You know that you have been taught, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” 39 But I tell you not to try to get even with a person who has done something to you. When someone slaps your right cheek, turn and let that person slap your other cheek. 40 If someone sues you for your shirt, give up your coat as well. 41 If a soldier forces you to carry his pack one mile, carry it two miles. —Matthew 5:38-41 (CEV)
4. Forgiveness is
Gradually, as we have considered these legitimate objections to forgiveness, we have inadvertently uncovered the bottom-line argument on which all other objections to forgiveness are based. Have you detected it lurking in the background, hidden behind the words spoken earlier? It is this: FORGIVENESS IS UNFAIR!
DEFINING FORGIVENESS
All of these rational objections arise from a basic misunderstanding of the concept of forgiveness. Before we define the word biblically, let’s state what forgiveness is NOT:
1. It is not denying the reality of your pain.
2. It is not letting your offender off the hook.
3. It is not blaming you, the victim.
4. It is not unfair. (God can’t do anything unfair!)
What shall we conclude then? Is there injustice upon God’s part? Certainly not! —Romans 9:14 (AMP)
If forgiveness is “none of the above,” then what is it? The Greek word translated “forgive” carries the idea of a release from some type of obligation, most commonly a financial obligation. That’s how Jesus most often illustrated the concept of forgiveness.
41 Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. 42 But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?” —Luke 7:41-42 (NLT)
The rule of accounting said that the books had to be balanced! The greatest misunderstanding about forgiveness is that it is simply overlooking someone else’s transgression. The truth of the matter is that SOMEONE ALWAYS HAS TO PAY, BECAUSE AN OFFENSE ALWAYS CREATES AN OBLIGATION THAT MUST BE SATISFIED. This is the essence of forgiveness!
When we forgive …
1. We acknowledge that a wrong has occurred.
2. We recognize that there is an obligation for repayment.
3. We CHOOSE to release our offender from that obligation and to cover the loss ourselves.
Jesus’ answer to Peter’s question about forgiveness anticipated such objections and offers us some compelling reasons to unilaterally forgive:
Jesus answered: Not just seven times, but seventy-seven times! —Matthew 18:22 (CEV)
Perhaps after a brief pause to let the impact of His statement settle in the minds of His listeners, Jesus relates a dramatic and unforgettable story to drive His point home:
23 “For this reason, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so the king ordered that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 But the man fell down before the king and begged him, ‘Oh, sir, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then the king was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. —Matthew 18:23-27 (NLT)
Although the servant has absolutely no way to make even the smallest dent in such a huge debt, he begs for just a little more time to try. What a pitiful sight, to see him groveling before the king – and what a beautiful thing the king did, because he felt compassion for the man.
This is a perfect illustration of forgiveness …
1. The servant owed a very real debt to the king.
2. The king had every right to expect repayment of the debt.
3. But the king voluntarily released the servant from his obligation and covered the loss himself.
THERE ARE 4 STRONG REASONS WHY I SHOULD FORGIVE:
1. Forgiveness is often the only way to
THE KING WAS SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT HE WAS HOLDING A DEBT THAT WAS UNCOLLECTIBLE!
Many people struggle with offering forgiveness because they are unaware that they are holding a worthless debt. They mistakenly believe that there’s some payment they can extract from their offender that will compensate for their loss.
Mahatma Gandhi observed, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth cannot sustain itself forever; ultimately both parties end up blind and toothless.”
Suddenly Jesus’ seemingly outlandish solution of “turning the other cheek” appears more reasonable! He understood that forgiveness is sometimes the only way to break the endless cycle of hurt and unfairness.
2. Forgiveness
THE KING WAS ALSO SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT HE HAD TOO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES TO ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE DISTRACTED BY ONE SLAVE’S OBLIGATION.
Sometimes the only sensible option is to cut our losses rather than risk needless preoccupation with a hopeless situation. Why should the king spend every waking moment checking with the royal bookkeeper and neglect the rest of his kingdom duties?
Comedian Buddy Hackett once said, “I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.”
One of the best reasons for forgiving someone is not what it does for them, but what it does for you!
Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. —Hebrews 12:1 (NLT)
3. Forgiveness is an
28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. 29 His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and jailed until the debt could be paid in full. 31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him what had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison until he had paid every penny. 35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart.” —Matthew 18:28-35 (NLT)
Did you notice the “zinger” that Jesus adds at the end of this story? THAT’S WHAT MY HEAVENLY FATHER WILL DO TO YOU IF YOU REFUSE TO FORGIVE! The laws of God decree that those who refuse to forgive enter their own private torture chamber, sentencing themselves to a lifetime of needless pain.
John MacArthur observes, “Unforgiveness is a toxin. It poisons the heart and mind with bitterness, distorting one’s whole perspective on life. Anger, resentment, and sorrow begin to overshadow and overwhelm the unforgiving person – a kind of soul-pollution that enflames evil appetites and evil emotions.”
THE BIBLE’S TERM FOR UNFORGIVENESS IS “
The Greek word translated “bitter” comes from a word meaning “sharp” or “pointed.” Just as there are certain tastes and smells that are “sharp” to the senses, all of us can recall offenses committed against us that may have occurred years ago but still hurt us when we turn them over in our mind. Don’t risk poisoning your life by holding on to a grievance!
Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another] … in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it. —Hebrews 12:15 (AMP)
WITH EVERY OFFENSE COMES A CHOICE! We can hold on to it and become
CONTINUALLY RELIVING THE HURTS WE’VE EXPERIENCED INFECTS NOT ONLY OUR LIFE, BUT THE LIVES OF THOSE AROUND US. ONE OF THE STRONGEST ARGUMENTS FOR FORGIVENESS IS THE CONSEQUENCES OF UNFORGIVENESS!
Frederick Buechner observes, “Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
4. Forgiveness is the
The Bible teaches that there is an inseparable link between receiving and granting forgiveness. Jesus’ parable teaches us that our personal sin against God has produced an obligation we could never hope to repay. BUT THE KING FORGAVE US!
But Jesus’ parable also has stern words for us in our relationships with those who wrong us. We may have every RIGHT to “collect the debt they owe,” but we have a higher OBLIGATION to release them from that debt, considering that we have been forgiven so much.
FORGIVENESS IS THE OBLIGATION OF THE FORGIVEN! It must be astonishing to God sometimes that those who have been forgiven so much would refuse to forgive so little.
While the pain that someone has inflicted on you is REAL, it is also NEGLIGIBLE compared to the wrong you have committed against God. That is the ultimate reason why you should forgive!