A Good Fight: Matthew 18:12-20
Dr. Kevin D. Glenn: Lead Pastor

Conflict and friction are unavoidable realities in relationships. This doesn’t mean it’s something we might enjoy, but it is something to be expected, learned from, and strengthened through. In fact, relational friction is often God’s sandpaper used to smooth out rough edges and shape our marriages into ongoing works of art.

So, the question is not

you’ll fight, it’s

Reveal Answer

you’ll fight.

Our attitude toward relational conflict will determine the health of our marriages, and every other relationship in life.
• Healthy people fight clean. Unhealthy people fight dirty.
• Healthy people work toward resolution. Unhealthy people work just to win.
1. Is this

a confrontation? - Proverbs 17:14, Proverbs 19:11
• “We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.” – Abraham Lincoln

2. Is my motivation

Reveal Answer

? - Matthew 18:12-14
• John Gottman’s “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse”
o CRITICIZING
o CONTEMPT:
o DEFENSIVENESS: Deflecting blame
o STONEWALLING
• Am I “FOR” the other person in this conversation?

3. Is my understanding

Reveal Answer

? - Matthew 18:15, Prov 18:17
• Is there another side, or context that I’m missing?
• Is the info first-hand, hearsay, or speculation?

4. Is the complaint/criticism balanced with

Reveal Answer

? - Matthew 18:15, Proverbs 15:1
• Always reserve the right to be wrong.
o Is the issue really “the” issue?
o Remember what criticism feels like.
• The conversation must be direct and carried out with respect.

5. Am I willing to seek more

Reveal Answer

? Matthew 18:16-17
• Consider the difference between the Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern.
• Get to know some “Lightning Rod” people.

6. Remember that God keeps

Reveal Answer

after I’ve done all I can. Matthew 18:18-20
• Only God can change a heart, but we can ALWAYS pray and seek opportunities to re-engage.

Questions To Dig Deeper
• How do I currently address conflict?
• How do I do at letting some things go?
• Are any of the “4 Horsemen” present in my marriage?
• When I raise a concern, am I as clear and specific as I can be?
• When I raise a concern, what roles do redemption, humility, and respect play in my actions?
• What are the issues in my marriage or other relationships that cause me concern?
• What do I believe God is moving me to do in light of what I learned today?