Today we are talking about “obey”. Have you ever felt like that was your job description? Homework, chores, when you go to be, when you play games, when you eat…. It’s a lot, right? What if I told you that even as adults there is still rules that govern our lives? We still have to obey.
Well technically I can choose to do whatever I want to do and so can you, but we aren’t free from the consequences of those choices. For instance, I have a car. That car can go really fast if I want it to. There is a law that says that if I go faster than a certain speed, I will get to meet one of our local police officers who will then give me a ticket, or if I am going really fast, take me to jail.
You see how that works? We have laws, those laws like speed limits are designed to keep people safe. We need rules because, left to our own desires and will, a good portion of the time we make the choice that seems best for me and me alone. God has given us parents to help us learn to make better choices and decisions. In fact, the only job that children have in the home is to be obedient to their parents. Here is what Paul says.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
First things first, Paul is talking about little children in this passage. We know that by his word choice. When you write in Greek there are different words for types of children. This one is for those still under the care of their parents in the home, specifically young children. Even Jesus had to obey His parents.
Luke 2:51-52
And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man
This doesn’t let us older kids off the hook though, as he goes on to says “honor your father and mother”. What it means to honor our parents changes at different stages in life, but we are to always honor our parents.
Exodus 20:12
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
You can obey your parents and still not honor them, and as adult, we can still honor our parents even in the event that we need to go against their wishes. Have you ever had your parents tell you to do something and you reacted like this…..? (I will do a little tantrum here)
Even if you do what your parents ask, you haven’t shown them respect in the way that you did it. Teenagers I promise you that your parents want to smack you into next week when you roll your eyes in response to what your parents ask you.
God has given us parents for a specific reason and He has given direction to obey them for a specific reason. That reason is that we all are born with a natural pull toward doing the wrong thing or the selfish thing. It’s not that we would never do the right thing, we are all made in the image of God; therefore, the attributes of God do exist in us, but we also have the pull to do what’s best for us regardless of how it affects others.
The more often we give into that, the more selfish we will find ourselves becoming. Without guidance and instruction, we would find ourselves making more bad decisions. Our heart becomes bent towards selfishness.
There will be an empty jar with “good decision” on one side and “bad decision” on the other side. I will have a piece of paper with an arrow pointing toward bad decisions and bring it down behind the jar.
This is us on our own. Our heart is pointed toward decisions that take us away from God and away from the things that are ultimately good for us. But, if we allow ourselves to be guided by our parents and fill ourselves with the Spirit of God, obeying our parents is a part of that process, then our heart can be pointed toward good things.
I will fill the jar with water here. Then take the same sign with the arrow and bring it down behind the jar filled with water. This time the water will make the arrow to point the opposite way.
Proverbs 1:8-9
My son, hear the instruction of thy father, And forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, And chains about thy neck.
I know, that sometimes it doesn’t feel like your parents want what’s best for you. I can assure you that there is nothing that parents want more for their children than for them to grow up and be happy. The primary motivation behind what your parents want you to do is love. The love you so much that the want you to be successful, and clean, and safe.
God is the same way. He doesn’t tell us what to do or not to do because He had nothing better to do with His time. He wants good for us. He wants us have a fulfilling life. Being fulfilled doesn’t always mean we get what we want. In fact, if you ask anyone who became great at anything, it meant giving up some temporary happiness in favor of a bigger goal and that bigger goal, brings more fulfillment than those other things.
This includes doing it the right way. There would be nothing worse in life that to achieve your goals and leave a trail of broken friendships, failed relationships and otherwise treating poorly to get what you wanted.
Now, I have spent most of the time focusing on the Children, but now I want to focus on the parents for just a few minutes. It is the Childs job to obey. As parents we need to teach them how to obey and we need to do it in such a way that doesn’t frustrate them. Remember verse 4? Don’t provoke your children to wrath.
Children are supposed to obey, but we need to treat them with love and respect. If you want to be respected, you should be willing to give respect. There is one main scripture to keep in mind as we look for wisdom in bringing up our kids.
Psalm 127:4-5
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; So are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate
Arrows need to be crafted, balanced and made to shoot straight. Then a target has to be focused on and then the aimed. Then, when the moment is right, we release it. It is our job to mold the character and values of our children. We make adjustments and find the target they are meant to hit. If we pull back too hard, we overshoot the target. If we don’t pull back hard enough, then they fall flat.
First and foremost, our kids need to know that we love them. We love them no matter what they do. It doesn’t mean we celebrate everything they do, our condone everything they do, but they are loved not matter what. Our heavenly Father loves us despite our shortcomings, we must do the same for our kids.
Secondly, we can’t shield them from everything that is in the world and expect them to be able to live in this world after they leave us if we don’t teach them how to confront and overcome the challenges the world has to offer. Our arrows aren’t crafted well if they can’t fly well through everything to hit their target.
Then lastly, our job is not to determine the path of our children. It is our job to develop and bring out the qualities and talents that God has already placed in them and do everything we can do to help them fulfill their God given purpose. It’s not about what we want, but what God wants for them.
The question for all of us today, is how do we accomplish all of this right? We have what should be, now how do we accomplish it? Here is a scripture passage.
Deuteronomy 6:7
and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
The first thing we need is time together. Notice all the places they mention. Sitting in the house, walking by the way, lying down, waking up. We need time together. I can’t tell you how many conversations happen with my kids at bedtime that brings opportunities to teach them about our God, who they are, and how to overcome obstacles they are facing. I have heard it said you need quality time, not quantity. You need it to be both. You need a lot of quality time.
The most important thing we need to pass on is living faith to our kids. To do that, our life has to be a true reflection of a God at work in us. This doesn’t mean we won’t fail, but when we do fail we model repentance to our children.
Additionally, we should absolutely care and work towards our children being successful, but let us always remember the words of Jesus “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul”? I’ll give you a super unrealistic example to make the point. Are you willing to allow for a lower grade on a test because instead of studying, they needed to be in the word of God the night before, or prayer, or serving in some way?
Now, let me be clear, it should never come to that choice, but it’s a good way to measure in our own hearts what is more important to us when it comes to our kids.
Kids, learn to obey your parents without the eye roll, the growl, the slumping body language, or whatever other way you display your displeasure with their direction. If you really love your parents, then the best way to show it is to respect what they ask of you.
The last thing for us today, is consistency. Discipline and training aren’t one of things. They are constant. It requires overlooking an offense sometimes. It means that one size does not fit all. We are all individuals and we all respond differently and require different approaches to growth. If we try to understand each other first, then be understood second, we can all get where we are trying to go a lot easier.