A Poor Substitute for Friendship
Michael Ryan Stotler
Part of Ecclesiastes—The Quest for Meaning
March 28, 2025

Introduction

  • What drives your pursuit of success?
  • Many believe power, wealth, or independence can replace meaningful relationships.
  • Solomon warns us that striving without relationships leads to emptiness.

I. The Futility of Envy-Driven Success (Ecclesiastes 4:4-6)

🔹 Key Verse: *”Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.”* (Eccl. 4:4)

  • The Hebrew word קִנְאָה (qin’ah) = envy, zeal, jealousy.
  • Envy leads to competition rather than community.
  • Supporting Scripture:
    • James 3:14-16 – Envy leads to disorder and evil.
    • Philippians 4:11-13 – Contentment in Christ frees us from envy.

📝 Reflection: Where do you see envy affecting your ambitions?

II. The Tragedy of Isolation (Ecclesiastes 4:7-8)

🔹 Key Verse: *”One person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches.”* (Eccl. 4:8)

  • Success without relationships leads to loneliness.
  • The phrase עֵין שֵׁנִי (‘ein sheni) = “no second person” → utter isolation.
  • Supporting Scripture:
    • Matthew 16:26 – Gaining the world but losing your soul.
    • Matthew 22:37-39 – Loving God and others is life’s priority.

📝 Reflection: Have you ever sacrificed relationships for success?

III. The Blessing of Companionship (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

🔹 Key Verse: *”Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”* (Eccl. 4:9)

  • The Hebrew word שָׂכָר (sakar) = reward, benefit.
  • Three key blessings of companionship:
    1. Support in hardships (v. 10) – Friends lift each other up.
    2. Strength in life’s challenges (v. 11-12) – Together, we endure.
    3. Spiritual encouragement – The “threefold cord” represents strong bonds (God-centered relationships).
  • Supporting Scripture:
    • Hebrews 10:24-25 – Encouraging one another in faith.
    • Proverbs 27:17 – “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

📝 Reflection: How can you intentionally invest in relationships this week?

IV. The Folly of Pursuing Power Over Friendship (Ecclesiastes 4:13-16)

🔹 Key Verse: *”Yet those who come later will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and a striving after wind.”* (Eccl. 4:16)

  • Power and popularity fade, but relationships endure.
  • Even kings and leaders can be forgotten if they rule alone.
  • Supporting Scripture:
    • Mark 10:42-45 – Jesus redefines greatness through servanthood.

📝 Reflection: Are you valuing people over power and status?

Application & Challenge

✅ Identify one relationship to invest in this week.
✅ Let go of envy and find contentment in Christ.
✅ Seek accountability and spiritual friendships.
✅ Reflect on Jesus’ model of friendship (John 15:12-15).

📝 Memory Verse: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9

🙌 Closing Thought: True joy and meaning come not from success but from relationships—especially our relationship with Christ.

Bible Study: A Poor Substitute for Friendship

A 3-Day Study on Ecclesiastes 4:4-16

Purpose:

This study will help you reflect on the importance of relationships in contrast to the emptiness of envy-driven success and isolation. Through word studies, reflections, and application questions, you will deepen your understanding of Ecclesiastes 4:4-16 and prepare your heart for the next sermon in our Ecclesiastes series.

Day 1: The Vanity of Envy-Driven Success

Read: Ecclesiastes 4:4-6

Reflection:

Solomon observes that much of human labor and ambition is fueled by envy. The Hebrew word for envy in verse 4 is קִנְאָה (qin’ah), which can mean zeal or jealousy. It carries the idea of intense desire—whether for good or evil. While zeal can be directed toward God (Exodus 20:5), it often leads to destructive comparison and rivalry (James 3:14-16).

Consider how envy influences your life. Social media, workplace competition, or even comparisons among friends can make us feel dissatisfied. Solomon warns that this kind of striving is like “chasing after the wind” (רוּחַ ruach—wind, spirit, breath), meaning it is futile and unattainable.

Questions for Reflection:

  1. Where do you see envy driving your ambitions?
  2. How does comparison steal joy from your relationships?
  3. What would it look like to replace envy with gratitude and contentment? (See Philippians 4:11-13)

Prayer Focus:

Ask God to help you find contentment in Him rather than in achievements or possessions.

Day 2: The Tragedy of Isolation

Read: Ecclesiastes 4:7-8

Reflection:

Solomon describes a man who works endlessly yet has no one to share his success with. The key Hebrew phrase in verse 8, עֵין שֵׁנִי (‘ein sheni)—”no second person”—highlights his utter loneliness.

This passage warns us about the cost of prioritizing work and success over relationships. Jesus echoes this truth in Matthew 16:26: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” The pursuit of wealth without meaningful relationships leads to emptiness.

Questions for Reflection:

  1. Have you ever sacrificed relationships for the sake of personal success?
  2. In what ways does our culture promote workaholism at the cost of relationships?
  3. How does Jesus’ call to love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-39) challenge our priorities?

Prayer Focus:

Ask God to help you evaluate your priorities and invest in relationships that matter.

Day 3: The Blessing of Companionship

Read: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Reflection:

Solomon shifts from the dangers of isolation to the blessings of companionship. He states, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” The Hebrew word שָׂכָר (sakar)—”reward, benefit”—implies that friendship brings tangible blessings.

Verse 12 speaks of a “threefold cord” not being quickly broken. Some see this as a reference to God being the third strand in a strong relationship, whether in marriage, friendship, or church fellowship.

Jesus himself modeled deep, meaningful relationships with his disciples. He did not walk alone, and neither should we.

Questions for Reflection:

  1. How have strong friendships helped you in difficult times?
  2. In what ways can you invest more in your relationships?
  3. How does the church function as a community that strengthens and supports one another? (See Hebrews 10:24-25)

Prayer Focus:

Ask God to help you build and nurture meaningful relationships, and to be a good friend to others.

Key Verse to Memorize:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9