Ephesians 5:25-27
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Ephesians 4:25-32
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Understanding Marriage
1. God’s Purpose for Marriage: To Reflect God’s Love
Ephesians 5:25-27
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish…
Isaiah 62:5
…As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.
Jeremiah 3:8
…For all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.
Matthew 12:39
But he answered them, “An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.
John 1:11
He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him.
2. God’s Purifying Work in Marriage: To Make Us Holy
Ephesians 5:27
…so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
“It is not your love that sustains your marriage, but from now on, your marriage that sustains your love.” (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
How To Fight Fair
Command 1: Speak the Truth in Love
Ephesians 4:25
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
Ephesians 4:15
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way…into Christ.
Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Command 2: Keep Current
Ephesians 4:26-27
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble.
Command 3: Attack the Problem, Not the Person
Ephesians 4:29-30
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Command 4: Ask Yourself: Should Love Cover This?
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted…
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Proverbs 19:11
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Command 5: Choose To Forgive
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance. (Gary Thomas)
RESOURCES CITED
Articles/Books/Commentaries/Sermons
Greear, J.D. Fighting, Jesus Style. April 28, 2013. https://summitchurch.com/message/fighting-jesus-style-ephesians-525-27-425-32
Keller, Tim. The First Wedding Day. Gen. 2:15-17; 3:1-8, 2009. https://gospelinlife.com/sermon/the-first-wedding-day/
O’Brien, Peter Thomas. The Letter to the Ephesians. The Pillar New Testament Commentary. Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1999.
Parrott, Drs. Les and Leslie. Learn to Fight Fair in Your Marriage. April 22, 2024. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/learn-to-fight-fair/
Thomas, Gary. Holy Marriages are the Happiest Marriages. June 28, 2019. https://garythomas.com/2019/06/28/holy-marriages-are-the-happiest-marriages/
Thomas, Gary. Sacred Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI. Zondervan, 2000.