3 Wives

We are in the middle of our marriage series here at SRC. We discussed in the first week how God was the one who made marriage, not man, and how when God made marriage, He made it with a purpose, and with order. Last week we discussed the husband’s role in marriage. How husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. How husbands are supposed to focus on Christ and share Christ with their wives as they bath her in God’s word, how they are to be intentional about their relationship with Christ and also with their wives, and how husbands need to love their wives.

Today, we will be reading about wives. As we have been, we will read Ephesians 5, and the verses here are fewer than last week, but very important. If a husband does not have a relationship with Jesus, does not model Jesus, or is not growing in his relationship with Jesus, we see that the marriage is already in danger. Today, we will see what God expects the wife to do for the marriage to work correctly to glorify Him.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. —Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives submit to their husbands as to the Lord

Not women submit to men, but wives to husbands

This does not mean that men are lords over their wives

Wives are not a lesser being in the marriage

This does not mean husbands are always right

This does not mean that wives allow themselves to be beat or abused by their husbands

What this does mean

Wives submit to their husbands as they submit to Christ

It is easier to submit to a good, loving, perfect God who already has done so much for you, right? Who doesn’t submit to a perfect and holy God? He is always right and we see that, know that, and obey Him completely right? We don’t get that one right all the time, and it is even harder when you are having to submit to your husband, because he is not perfect, he doesn’t always get it right, and well, he is a guy. We enjoy doing and saying stupid things. It will eventually happen.

Wives, are you submitting to the Lord? If you struggle submitting to God, you will definitely struggle to submit to your husband.

Husband is the head of the wife

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. —1 Corinthians 11:3

God Himself has order, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and everything He made has order, why wouldn’t He have that in marriage? Marriage was invented before countries, governments, churches, organizations, or even family. Marriage is the first ordnance that God made. Before communion, before sacrifice, before baptisms, God made marriage. This means this is far more significant than we think it is. More on that next week.

God created marriage, He made it with order, and that order makes it function at its best possibility

As the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands

What happens when the church revolts against God?

Israel being God’s chosen people, but now open to all

*7 churches in revelation *

1 Corinthians 5 Son sleeping with his step mother

Crusades

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. —Colossians 3:18-19

Wives submit to their husbands, not because he is right, not because she likes what he is doing, not because she wants to, but because this is what is fitting for the Lord. He set up marriage, not us, and therefore we follow His way.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. —1 Peter 3:1-7

A wife’s beauty does not come from her looks, but from her heart and actions. For the wife, her value comes from the Lord, and her relationship with the Lord, and that is demonstrated by her relationship with her husband. We see Sarah and Abraham as the example, and we know Abraham was known as a man of faith, we also know he was a bonehead.

We also see that husbands are instructed to live with their wives in an understanding way showing honor to the weaker vessel. This will be more significant next week, but not without this note. Historically and culturally, women were looked down upon as physically weaker and generally less educated than men of the day. I do not believe Peter is saying women are weak, but it was a challenge to the men of the day to treat their wives better than culturally they normally would. In fact Peter reminds the husbands that their wives are heirs with them in their responsibility as followers of Christ. Remember this imagery for next week.

Wives are a blessing. It is interesting that we see this a number of times in Proverbs about the blessing a wife is… or in some cases is not.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. —Proverbs 18:22**

Who doesn’t want favor from the Lord? A wife is a good thing.

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. —Proverbs 19:14

A wife is a gift from the Lord? Ladies, do you know you are a blessing?

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. —Proverbs 31:10

Now we compare a wife and her value, more valuable than jewels. That would communicate at that time a great wealth. Jewels were very valuable and seen as ever more valuable than gold. We sometimes today talk about platinum being the most valuable metal or the most precious metal, and that is what is being communicated about an excellent wife. But, we also see the other side too in Proverbs.

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. —Proverbs 21:9

It would be better to live on the roof in a corner than to live with a quarrelsome wife. That is an impactful image. Can you imagine being stuck living on the roof in the Texas heat, in the elements, than to be in your own home with your wife? That is brutal.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. —Proverbs 12:4

Today for many of us, I think it is easy to imagine cancer when we hear rottenness in the bones. Wives, you have a special ability that you may not know. Most men will live to a certain potential, challenge level, and we keep it comfortable. You inspire us to be more than we are, and to reach for things we never would try on our own. Having a wife helps husbands see their significance, especially from God’s perspective.

Story of Johnathan Eldrege son

For marriage to work the way God made it, husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the church, and wives must submit to their husbands. Love and respect, security and significance, these are the things that men and women need, but also convey the same thing. Many of us remember the 5 loves languages, and how these are how people both express and demonstrate love to one another. My love language is acts of service, and although I appreciate a gift, when someone does something for me, that communicates love to me more so than gifts. Men and women have different needs, and God knows that. He made us with those, and for husbands respect is what is needed to feel significant, and for wives love is communicated with security from their husbands. God knew what He was doing, and this is why He gives us order to meet the desired goal, to glorify God.

We have now explored both roles for husbands and wives, and next week, we will see why marriage is so important to God. I believe we will better understand how much He loves us, and how incredible He is, but for today, wives how are you submitting and respecting your husband? What are some ways you are not? Husbands, you have had time to process from last week, how are you loving your wives as Christ loved the church? How are you not? Are you bringing new fresh hot water to bathe them with?