Understanding and Overcoming the Lie:
"I'm Unlovable"
Michael Ryan Stotler
Part of The Battle of The Mind—Sermons on Mental Health
December 3, 2023

Understanding and Overcoming the Lie: “I’m Unlovable”

Introduction

I recently delved into the insightful book by Jennie Allen, titled Get out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts. The focus of this compelling work is on addressing toxic thoughts, particularly those that tend to spiral out of control, especially among women. In this exploration, Allen reveals a profound insight from her licensed therapist friend, stating that every self-destructive lie can be traced back to one of three core beliefs:

  1. I’m helpless.
  2. I’m worthless.
  3. I’m unlovable.

These three lies form the basis of our self-perception, and in the coming weeks, we will delve into each one. Today, our focus is on the third lie: “I’m unlovable.”

Understanding the Lie

This distorted belief isn’t limited to a specific gender or age group. It’s a pervasive thought pattern that manifests in various ways, affecting our spiritual and interpersonal relationships.

Spiritual Aspect

Our perception of God profoundly influences our self-image. Sometimes, despite being faithful and knowledgeable individuals, we might feel unworthy of God’s love due to our past actions or choices. Overcoming this involves understanding God’s unwavering love for us.

1 John 4:16 (NIV):

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

John 3:16 (NIV):

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Believing the lie that “I’m unlovable” directly contradicts the overwhelming love God has for each of us.

Interpersonal Relationships

Often, experiences with others contribute to feeling unlovable. Betrayal, rejection, and hurtful actions from those close to us can reinforce this damaging belief. Shame becomes a powerful force, convincing us that we’re not only unworthy of love but also powerless to change our circumstances.

If you’ve ever felt you’re not doing enough, constantly comparing yourself to others, and being overly critical, you’re not alone. This self-critical cycle perpetuates the feeling of being unlovable.

The Truth: God Loves You

Central to overcoming this lie is embracing the truth that God loves you unconditionally. No action, mistake, or circumstance can alter this truth.

1 John 3:1 (NIV):

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”

Recognize that God’s love transcends human comprehension and that you are His cherished child.

Overcoming the Lie

Challenge Comparisons

2 Corinthians 10:12 (NIV):

“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”

Resist the urge to compare yourself to others, especially in the age of social media. Such comparisons often lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Letting Go of Shame

Isaiah 43:18 (NIV):

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.”

Release the shame associated with past actions. Learn from the past but don’t let it define your worth.

Self-Love

Loving yourself is crucial in loving others as commanded. Recognize that you are not unlovable; you are made in the image of God.

Next Steps

  1. Reflect on past beliefs and surrender them to Jesus.
  2. Invite Jesus to immerse you in His love, reinforcing your worthiness.
  3. Surround yourself with truthful voices, distancing from those perpetuating lies.

Additional Resources