Jesus, Boundaries, Toxic People, and Lasting Relationships
March 8, 2025

Mark 12:30-31
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength… and love your neighbor as yourself.”

The Foundation of All Relationships

1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

Healthy relationships thrive in God’s love. Without it, they crumble under emotions, expectations, and unmet needs.

Point 1: Walk Your Property with God

Psalm 24:1
“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”

Walking Your Property with God is about clarifying your Identity and Purpose

When you walk your property with God, you ask:
• Who am I in Christ (Identity)
• What am I called to do (Purpose)
• What is my responsibility and what is not


3 Practical Steps to walk your property with God

1. Daily Time with God (Owner)

Isaiah 43:1
“I have called you by name; you are mine.”

2. Read the Deed – Know What God Says About You

Ephesians 2:10
“For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

God Says:
1. I am a child of God – John 1:12
2. I am redeemed and forgiven – Ephesians 1:7
3. I am a temple of the Holy Spirit – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
4. I am more than a conqueror – Romans 8:37
5. I am God’s workmanship, created for good works – Ephesians 2:10
6. I am a citizen of heaven – Philippians 3:20
7. I am free in Christ – Galatians 5:1
8. I am light in the Lord – Ephesians 5:8
9. I am protected and kept safe in Christ – John 10:28-29
10. I am victorious in Christ – 1 Corinthians 15:57


• Identify lies, fears, or false expectations that keep you from embracing your purpose.
• Ask: “What am I carrying that isn’t mine?” (guilt, shame, bitterness, or someone else’s responsibility.)
Confess and release these burdens to God in prayer.

Point 2: Set Clear Fences

Matthew 5:37
“Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’…”

Healthy fence boundaries in relationships bring clarity.

What You Control
• Your thoughts, actions, emotions, and choices

- Galatians 6:5 – “Each one should carry their own load.”
• Your time, energy, and commitments
- Ephesians 5:15-16 – “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.”
• Your relationship with God
- Philippians 2:12 – “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.”

What You Don’t
• Changing others

- Luke 6:41-42 – “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
• Controlling people’s emotions or reactions
- Proverbs 29:25 – “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”
• Carrying burdens that belong to others
- Galatians 6:2,5 – “Carry each other’s burdens,… for each one should carry their own load.

Healthy fences don’t isolate; they clarify, help us love without rescuing, enabling, or controlling.

3 Steps for Building Healthy Fences

1. Set Clear Limits: Saying “Yes” or “No” with confidence and without guilt.
• Instead of:
“I guess I can help, even though I’m exhausted.”
Say: “I won’t be able to, but I hope you find the support you need!”
Don’t over-explain— “I can’t commit to that” is enough.
Give yourself permission to rest and recharge without feeling guilty.

2. Stop Trying to Fix or Control Others

CAUTION: Biggest boundary violations - Control and Fixing
Rescuing, Enabling, and Carrying their responsibilities, eliminates growth and creates codependency
• Our job is to love and encourage—not to change people.

CONSIDER:
• Instead of solving problems, point to resources and let them take responsibility.
• Ask: “Am I doing something for someone that they should do for themselves?”

3. Don’t Let Others Dump Their Drama in Your Garden

Key Scripture: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23

• Strong fences keep out constant venting, blaming, or emotionally draining
• Strong fences allow compassion without absorbing negativity.

We can love people without being their emotional landfill.

Response:
“I care about you, but I can’t carry this burden for you.
“I can’t commit to that, and I need you to respect my decision.”

Stand firm without feeling guilty

CAUTION: Expect resistance - Watch for Fence Climbers and Bulldozers.

Point 3: Use Locks to Guard Against Toxic Relationships

Proverbs 4:23
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Toxic and Boundary Breaking Relationships:
• Disrespect and test fences boundaries
• Push, climb, or even tear fences down.

Locks keep harmful influences out and protect your identity and purpose in Jesus.

Locks allow us to choose who has access to your heart, time, and energy.

How Jesus Handled Boundary Breakers
With manipulators, he confronted. Pharisees and Teachers of the Law
With toxic people, He withdrew. The Crowd
With demanding people, He set limits. Peter
With betrayal, He controlled His controllables and allowed others to control theirs. Judas

4 Steps for Guarding Against Boundary Breakers:

1. Identify Toxic Patterns – Know who is pushing past your Fences
“Bad company corrupts good character.” – 1 Corinthians 15:33

2. Recognize toxic behaviors:
Manipulation: Using guilt, pressure, or emotional blackmail to control you.
Chronic disrespect: Ignoring your limits and crossing fence lines.
Drama & negativity: Constant conflict, gossip, or playing the victim.
Control & domination: Trying to force their will onto your life.

“Do I feel obligated, anxious, or controlled around them?

3. Say “No” to Guilt-Based Manipulation – Stop Letting People Use Your Kindness Against You

Guilt tactics: “If you really cared, you’d do this for me.”
Responds:
- “I care about you, but I can’t take that on.”
- “I’m not available, but I hope you find the help you need.”
Let go of the fear of disappointing others

4. Limit or Block Access When Necessary – Protect Your Mental & Spiritual Health

Titus 3:10
“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.”

Reduce contact
• Unfollow, or block toxic individuals
• Create safe spaces
with people who encourage your walk with Christ.

5. Stop Letting Others Control Your Emotions – Take Ownership of Your Reactions

2 Timothy 1:7
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

Toxic people provoke reactions of anger, guilt, or fear.

Guard your peace
• Pause before reacting. Ask: “Is this worth my peace?”
Detach emotionally
• Pray before responding


6. Respect Others’ Boundaries – Don’t Be a Boundary Breaker Yourself

Matthew 7:12
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.”

Secure Locks Don’t Mean You Stop Loving. It Means You Love Wisely.

Point 4: Open and Close Gates Wisely

Amos 3:3
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

• Gates allow right relationships in and let wrong relationships out.
• Gates determine who gets close access and who should remain at a distance.

Who Should Enter Your Inner Circle?

Jesus’ inner circle (Peter, James, and John)
• Those who encourage your faith.
• Those who are trustworthy and honest.
• Those who share your mission and values.
• Those who honor your fences.

“You cannot have peace without boundaries.” – Dr. Henry Cloud

Walk Your Property with God
• Set Clear Fences
• Use Locks to Guard Against Toxic Relationships
• Open and Close Gates Wisely