Divorce

July 21, 2024
Dave Stephens


Q: If my husband’s lack of faith is hurting my and my children’s spiritual growth, can I divorce him?
Q: What if I got married before I was a believer, and now, 15 years later, I’m a believer and he isn’t? Can I divorce him?

Some of the most common questions I hear are, “What constitutes a ‘biblical’ divorce?”, “What does The Bible say about divorce?” and “Is adultery the only reason a Christian can get divorced?”

One of the prevailing policies in many evangelical churches is that the only biblical reason for divorce is if a spouse commits adultery. This belief can be traced back to the words of Jesus in a specific passage in the gospels.

3 Foundational Truths about Divorce

1) Christians let their

sensibilities overshadow God’s view of divorce

This happened to the Pharisees in Jesus’ day as they tried to trap him with a question about divorce that was driven by their cultural understanding, and we do it too.

The pendulum of our society has swung in favor of a divorce-on-demand approach. When your marriage runs into trouble, you have a variety of voices to consider. Your attorney is saying get out, your sister says to leave the bum, and your fellas at the gym say you don’t have to put up with her nagging.

The reason marriage is in such bad shape in the church is not because of the judicial system, it’s not liberals, it’s not Hollywood, it’s because the Christians have given up on what Jesus said about marriage and listened instead to the voice of culture.

2) Divorce is a product of

When Jesus answers questions about divorce, he appeals to the original blueprint. Jesus was part of a “three-man team” who invented marriage. In Genesis 2, we see God establish marriage, and the relationship is defined by intimacy and partnership.
The first couple is named “Ish” and “Isha.” (Adam and Eve) The similarity of the names reinforces God’s desire for marriage to be a beautiful, life-long partnership between a man and a woman.

Before it ever is a breach between a husband and a wife, divorce is a breach in the relationship with God. In Scripture, the most dreaded condition for a marriage to fall into is a condition called “hardheartedness”.

3) Divorce is

but not

Reveal Answer

.

There are grounds for divorce laid out in the scriptures.

God says in Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce.”

The key in every legitimate reason for divorce is the hardness of heart.

What the Bible Says about Divorce:
Matt. 19:3-9

“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no person is to separate.” They *said to Him, “Why, then, did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

These are pretty direct words from Jesus. This passage has led many Christians and churches to assume policies around divorce that only allow for it if one partner or the other has had an affair.

Is that really what Jesus is saying? Remember…this question was intended to trick or trap Jesus. These were rabbis trying to catch a rival rabbi in a philosophical snare. Let’s start with Moses.

Here, the Pharisees reference Moses’ divorce permission, and in Mark’s version of this teaching, Jesus is the one who first brings up Moses. So…it’s crucial to determine what Moses had to do with this question and answer.

The divorce certificate was designed to make men stop and think before breaking their marriage vows. They had to put it in writing. And it also made provisions for the abandoned wife.

Scripture also gives some other thoughts…In Exodus 21, we find another classic text on divorce.
The law asks,

“What happens if a man takes a second wife?”

And answers with provisions to protect the interests of the first wife:

“If the husband takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her (the first wife’s) food, her clothing, or her conjugal love. If he does not provide her with those three things, she is free to go without payments of money.” Exodus 21:10-11

Once again, the scriptures are seeking to protect the woman, because in their culture women had no rights.
In this case, the husband takes a new wife and, human nature being what it is, the new wife tends to get the good stuff, so the law said,

“When he (the husband) married his first wife, he made a vow to provide support (food and clothing) and love. So, if he breaks that vow, then the first wife is free to leave, free to get a divorce, free to get a certificate, free to remarry.”

These scriptures give us these two passages (Dt 24 and Ex 21) as the classic Scriptural texts governing divorce.

Based on these texts, marriage involves a vow, and those vows include three primary promises:

1)
Reveal Answer
. To be faithful, and that there be no sexual unfaithfulness (Deuteronomy 24)
2)
Reveal Answer
. To provide food, clothing, and other basic needs (Exodus 21) and
3)
Reveal Answer
. Sexual intimacy and conjugal love.

Abandonment was considered the extreme form of breaking the vow of Provision. Abuse would be the extreme form of breaking the vow of Affection (#3 above). In Israel, those would be grounds for divorce.

No rabbis or modern theologians have ever taught that God believed divorce was a good idea…but this was the written law they followed.
That was the framework for marriage and divorce in ancient Israel.

So…the question is asked alot: Is Adultery the only reason a Christian can get divorced?

Many Christians have universalized this one statement and have ignored all other biblical causes for divorce.

The issues of relationships and divorce are often very complicated. To help resolve these, God’s Word provides spiritual directives for our welfare in the messiness of our fallen world.

What Constitutes the Legitimate Ending of a Marriage?
1)

– (1 Corinthians 7:39; Romans 7:2-4)

“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”

This is obvious, but the death of a spouse warrants a legitimate ending to the covenant of marriage.

2)

Reveal Answer

– (Matthew 5:32) – Part of the covenant of marriage is that one man and one woman would be one flesh, and adultery is the betrayal of the oneness of the covenant. It is the breaking of the covenant vows.

“But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

This does not mean, if adultery is committed, that you MUST get a divorce, but it means that you have biblical grounds to do so. Reconciliation may be possible…

3)

Immorality – (Deut. 24; Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9) This covers a wide range of sexual sins. The word that is often used in the scriptures is porneia. It’s the same root from which we get pornography and it’s a general term meaning all kinds of sexual immorality and sin. There are other kinds of sexual sin that may not fit the technical definition of adultery, but they do qualify as infidelity.

4)

by an Unbelieving Spouse – (1 Cor. 7) – Sometimes, a Christian marries a non-Christian, and the non-Christian leaves at some point in the marriage.

Paul upholds the idea of permanency in marriage, whether it be to a believer or unbeliever, yet gives permission for a believing mate to separate if deserted by an unbeliever.
Paul states,

“Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or sister (man or woman) is not under bondage (no longer bound) in such cases, but God has called us to peace.”

According to Paul, because desertion destroys the marital bonds, an abandoned believer is not commanded to stay in that marriage.

However: If the non-believing spouse stays with you and there is no abuse, there are no biblical grounds for divorce. (according to scripture)

5) Breach of

(Abuse) (Exodus 21) – This brings the elimination of the covenant of marriage.

“…so be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.”
Mal. 2:14-16

Any breach of safety and loyalty that puts one spouse in danger is insinuated in this case.
God does not expect people to remain in the environment when they are being abused.

Lets recap:
There is a common denominator in all biblical reasons for divorce: The hardness of heart.

Hardness of heart violates two primary relationships simultaneously: the relationship with the spouse and the relationship with God.

Understand this: Reconciliation is God’s primary motivation. He gave us the ministry of reconciliation.

If there is any way to reconcile, that must be the first choice. If Jesus says, “We should love our enemies and pray for those that despitefully use us,” then reconciliation is high on His priorities. (Matthew 5:43-45).

Resources:
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/resources-separation-divorce/