Hinderances To TRUE Friendship…
Above all, have fervent and unfailing love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins [it overlooks unkindness and unselfishly seeks the best for others]. 1 Peter 4:8
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. C.S. Lewis
A friend is someone who helps you up when your down, and if they can’t, they lay down beside you and listen. Winnie The Pooh
The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, but there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17
Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble. [Message]
Hinderances To TRUE Friendship…
#1
I have seen that every [effort in] labor and every skill in work comes from man’s [envy] rivalry with his neighbor. This too is vanity (futility, false pride) and chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:4
#2
The fool folds his hands [together] and consumes his own flesh [destroying himself by idleness and apathy]. Ecclesiastes 4:5
#3
One hand full of rest and patience is better than two fists full of labor and chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:6 [two fistfuls of worried work] Message
#4
Then I looked again at vanity under the sun [in one of its peculiar forms]. There was a certain man—without a dependent, having neither a child nor a brother, yet there was no end to all his labor. Indeed, his eyes were not satisfied with riches and he never asked, “For whom do I labor and deprive myself of pleasure?” This too is vanity (a wisp of smoke, self-conceit); yes, it is a painful effort and an unhappy task. Ecclesiastes 4:7-8
I turned my head and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person, completely alone—no children, no family, no friends—yet working obsessively late into the night, compulsively greedy for more and more, never bothering to ask, “Why am I working like a dog, never having any fun? And who cares?” More smoke. A bad business. [The Message]
#5
A poor yet wise youth is better than an old and foolish king who no longer knows how to receive [advice] instruction and counsel (friendly reproof, warning)— Ecclesiastes 4:13
TRUE Friendship…
Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. Again, if two lie down together, then they keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-11
Friendship Provides
Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.
Friendship Provides
Again, if two lie down together, then they keep warm; but how can one be warm alone?
Friendship Provides
And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.
What Does God’s Word teach us About Friendliness?
The Bible encourages us to be kind and loving to one another and to go out of our way to minister to others—the good Samaritan in Jesus’ parable was kind to a total stranger, whom Jesus called a “neighbor” (Luke 10:29–37). However, as with everything, we should use discernment when being friendly and outgoing.
We are all uniquely crafted and given personalities that God can use for specific purposes (Psalm 139). Some people, like the apostle Peter, are naturally more outgoing than others, and some have more difficulty meeting new people. God can use both types of people. During the initial lockdown of the 2020 pandemic, the introverts took quarantine more in stride than the extroverts, who had a tougher time. But both the introverts and extroverts grew in different ways during that time. No personality type is “wrong,” but there are some guidelines we should all follow.
In the Bible, God repeatedly calls us to love one another (e.g., 1 Thessalonians 3:12). We are even called to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), and Christ’s second greatest command was to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Our “neighbor” is anyone with whom we share life, proximity, or even the planet. Through our love for one another, many can see the love of God.
We know that love is paramount, but it can take many forms. Being friendly and outgoing is one of those forms. We are also called to reach the furthest corners of the world with the gospel of Christ—Jesus wants us to be “outgoing” in a literal sense (Matthew 28:19). Also, believers are encouraged to gather and fellowship (Hebrews 10:25). Having friends is assumed in Scripture (Exodus 33:11; Job 2:11; Proverbs 17:17; 27:6, 10), and the existence of friends requires some level of friendliness.
Those who are in Christ will bear spiritual fruit, which results in traits associated with being friendly or outgoing: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23, NKJV). All of this fruit affects relationships, and most of it is meant to be shared with others. Kindness is not really kindness unless someone else benefits from it. It’s true that joy can exist privately within one’s heart, but it’s also true that joy usually effervesces into a more public display.
So, a basic principle of Scripture is that, to some degree, we are to be friendly and outgoing, no matter our personality type. There are also some cautions in Scripture about personal relationships.
The Bible warns about the wrong types of friends, and such counsel suggests that it’s possible to be too friendly with some people. We are not to be on close or affectionate terms with a hot-tempered person, for example (Proverbs 22:24–25). And Proverbs 1:10–19 and 4:14–19 warn against those who entice us to do wrong. We should not associate with evildoers, no matter how great the promised reward or how appealing their “friendship” seems to be. Those whose “feet rush to sin” are headed in the wrong direction and should be avoided. The path they choose is no place for a Christian whose choice should be to follow the “path of the righteous.” Only that path leads to friendship with God—and we definitely want to be on friendly terms with Him (see James 4:4).
Friends should be chosen carefully. “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Paul warns against ill-advised fellowship: “Do not be unequally yoked”; that is, avoid extended or deep partnership with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Also, we cannot eat both at the Lord’s table and at the table of demons (1 Corinthians 10:21). These cautions do not give us permission to be unloving or to retreat within ourselves. But we should not allow undue toxic influences in our lives.
Friendliness, as it relates to kindness, is always appropriate, but how do we know when we should really open up and interact with others and when we should be more reserved? The answer depends on individual circumstances. There are times when we should avoid a relationship, a conversation, or an event. Personal safety is one consideration, and spiritual safety is another: we should certainly never sin with others. But there are also times when reaching out and being outgoing is necessary, even in difficult situations. We should always be ready to speak openly about our faith in any company (Colossians 4:6). The key is to seek God’s wisdom in each specific instance (see James 1:5).
In the final analysis, we should always maintain a friendly, loving attitude of kindness and grace toward others. A friendly stranger can change the trajectory of a person’s life. The gospel is meant to be shared. However, we also need to guard our hearts and be careful of where or with whom we are in fellowship. There can be serious consequences for following our natural inclinations, getting caught up in the moment, or interacting with the wrong crowd. No matter our personality, it is important to seek God’s guidance at all times.
What does God’s Word mean when it says “Iron Sharpens Iron”?
The phrase “iron sharpens iron” is found in Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” There is mutual benefit in the rubbing of two iron blades together; the edges become sharper, making the knives more efficient in their task to cut and slice. Likewise, the Word of God is a “double-edged sword” (Hebrews 4:12), and it is with this that we are to sharpen one another—in times of meeting, fellowship, or any other interaction.
The proverb also indicates the need for constant fellowship with one another. Man was not made to be alone, for did not the Lord God say this, even before the Fall (Genesis 2:18)? How much more, then, after the Fall of Man, do we need to come together with our brothers and sisters in Christ for seasons of fellowship and prayer? Clearly, this was recognized by the saints of the early church (Acts 2:42–47), who “devoted themselves” to teaching, fellowship, communion, and prayer, all corporate activities that provided opportunities for sharpening one another.
There are two points to make about the above proverb. First, the meeting of two together in the Lord’s name will always guarantee blessing. It is a means of grace that the Lord Himself promised—where two or more are gathered in His name, there He is among them (Matthew 18:20). Also, we see a similar meaning in Malachi, for those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard (Malachi 3:16). When we sharpen one another in real Christian fellowship, the Lord bends an ear from heaven and is pleased. Not one word about Him which brings Him glory escapes His notice.
The fragrances of divine unity are best sensed in the relationship of David and Jonathan, son of Saul. When David was being hotly pursued by Saul, Jonathan sought David out “to help him find strength in God” (1 Samuel 23:16), which leads us onto our second point. Iron sharpening iron is an opportunity to fulfill the Law of Christ. The apostle Paul says that we are to carry and share the issues and burdens that we face daily, lament over personal sin, advise on how best to repent of it, and rejoice over the conquest of it. This is the same “royal law” mentioned in James 2:8, where we are exhorted to love one another.
Returning to the analogy, if a knife is blunt, it still continues to be a knife, although it is less effective, less useful in service. Let us therefore be encouraged to spend more time together, exhorting, encouraging, praying, admonishing, sharing God’s Word, praying over God’s Word and the needs of our local church, that we become sharper, more cutting in the ministry that the Lord has assigned to each of us. Too often what passes as fellowship in the modern church is centered on food and fun, not on sharpening one another with the Word of God. In far too many instances, the only knives being sharpened are the ones used at potlucks.
Finally, a knife that has been sharpened will also shine more because all the dullness has been rubbed off its surface. Likewise, we will shine better for our Lord if we do the things mentioned above consistently, all of which will unite us in harmony. “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity” (Psalm 133:1). Therefore, as the author to the Hebrews says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24–25).
10 Friendships of the Bible to Learn From….
This list is only a starting place, there are many “friendships” and “Relationships” in the Bible we can learn from, start with these and do your own reading into each of these relationships to find their strengths and their weaknesses.
1. Jonathan and David
The friendship of Jonathan and David is a shining example of sacrificial love and loyalty. The events of 1 Samuel 20 begin with David running to Jonathan to find out why his father is trying to kill him. To honor his father, Jonathan takes an oath to test Saul’s intentions, confirming David’s suspicions. They do not get to become inseparable BFF’s after revelation of Saul’s true intentions. The end, 1 Samuel 20, cuts to the scene of these two friends’ farewell, at which “they wept together- but David wept the most.”
Jonathan bravely followed God’s will, but went back to serve at his father’s side, saying to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendant and my descendants forever.” 1 Samuel 20: 42
Perhaps the sweetest piece of loyalty is revealed to us after Jonathan’s death alongside his father, when a piece of the oath he and David swore is fulfilled (1 Samuel 20:15), as David takes in Jonathan’s crippled son as one of his own. (2 Samuel 9)
2. Elijah and Elisha
Elisha had the privilege of training and serving alongside the great prophet Elijah. When it was time for Elijah to move on to the next town, he instructed his servant to stay behind. “As surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you, “Elisha replied. (2 Kings 2:2) He knew what was about to happen, but though Elijah asked him twice more to stay behind, he kept going. (2 Kings 2:3)
Had Elisha stayed behind, he never would have witnessed the miracles that followed. Elijah rolled up his cloak, hit the Jordan river, and it parted for the two to walk across. (2 Kings 2:7-8) As they chatted as two old friends, chariots of fire separated them, and Elijah was taken up in a whirlwind to be with God. (2 Kings 2:9-12)
Friendship is filled with hard moments that make us question whether or not the other person is worth the outpouring of our loyalty. If we follow God’s leading, we will experience the miracle of selfless love on this earth and what He can do through it.
3. Ruth and Naomi
The world around us can be crushing sometimes, and in the most desperate spaces of our lives, we are tempted to entertain what anyone other than God says about us. Naomi was having a crushing moment such as this. First, her husband died. Within ten years, both of her sons died, too. (Ruth 1:3-5) Desperate and done, she left her land and set off towards Judah, “where she heard the Lord had come to the aid of his people.” (Ruth 1:6-7) She sent her daughters-in-law back to their mothers’ homes (Ruth 1:8-9) but “Ruth clung to her.” (Ruth 1:14)
“Clung,” in Hebrew means “to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch…” but what defines the faithful attribute God assigns to friendship is this: to be joined together. Ruth joined with Naomi. Their friendship illustrates God’s faithfulness to those who will serve each other when placed together as an extension of His love here on earth.
4. Moses and Aaron
God spoke to Moses through the burning bush in Exodus 3and provided three miracles in order for Moses to overcome his fear to speak in front of Pharaoh. (Exodus 4:2-9) Still, he begged the Lord send someone else to do it. (Exodus 4:13) …“What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak…” Exodus 4:14-16
God give us friends to help us accomplish what we are too frozen in fear to accomplish on our own. Two friends operating in faith to their Father are far from perfect, but pretty unstoppable. The Lord equips them both, allowing Aaron to perform miracles. (Exodus 7) More than they could have asked for or imagined possible happened, as they confronted Pharaoh, and eventually led their people out of Egypt.
5. Abraham and Lot
Conflict within the close confines of family can confuse our perception of God’s intention for these relationships. Abraham and Lot had accumulated too much stuff and their servants were fighting over whose herds were going to graze on what land. (Genesis 13:5-7). “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers.” (Genesis 13:8) At Abraham’s suggestion, they parted ways and Lot chose to plant himself on the plains of the Jordan, near Sodom. (Genesis 13:10-12)
When the infamous fall of Sodom and Gomorrah happened, “The four kings seized all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah …they also carried off Abram’s nephew Lot.” (Genesis 14:11-12) Abraham’s heartfelt and loyal reaction was to take action to rescue his nephew. (Genesis 14:14-16) Abraham put his life on the line for Lot to restore his friend’s freedom. Now, that sounds awfully familiar, doesn’t it–a selfless, serving, sacrificial love?
6. Paul and Timothy
Paul was Timothy’s mentor. The very definition of a mentor is a “wise and trusted counselor or teacher; an influential senior sponsor or supporter.” Their friendship thrived because of the mutual respect they had for each other. Confident in Christ, they were both determined to spread the gospel. “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” 2 Timothy 1:6-7
Jesus can bond two friends together tighter than two molecules of water. Paul referred to Timothy as a son (1 Corinthians 4:17). God calls us to look up to godly wisdom, and then turn around and pass it down. God spreads His Gospel truth by the way we live our lives individually, and how we operate in the realms of our friendships, as well.
7. Paul, Philemon, and Onesiumus
Onesiumus was a slave of Philemon who had stolen from him and then fled. The NIV’s notes section of my Bible state this was a crime punishable by death. But, in his running away, Onesimus met Paul and became a Christian. The two became such close friends that Paul refers to Onesimus as “my very heart.” (Philemon 1:12) A friend of Philemon, Paul writes to one friend on another’s behalf, to restore what had been broken. “If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me.” (Philemon 1:18) Paul lets Onesimus go, sending him back to Philemon. So often, we clutch seasonal friendships too close and choke what God intended to free.
Let us pray that the Holy Spirit it nudges us when we have the opportunity to mend a broken bridge such as this. Instead of looking selfishly at what our friends can do for us, let us look to what God’s purpose is for placing them in our proximity. Listen to the effect Paul had on this man’s life: “Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good- no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother.” Philemon 1:15-16
8. Mark and Paul
Mark and Paul’s friendship teaches us never to count someone out as a friend. Mark had proven himself unreliable to Paul. In Acts 15, Paul and Barnabas, who had been incredible friends thus far, parted ways over their disagreement about Mark’s character. Paul was ready to write him off, but Barnabas saw something in him to be developed. (Acts 15:39-40)
Both Paul and Barnabas proved to be right about Mark. Paul was right, in that Mark was not to come on the mission that caused them to separate. Barnabas saw the potential that eventually would develop, and over time, Mark joined the group of Christ-driven friends. “Do your best to come to me quickly,” Paul says, “Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.” (2 Timothy 4:11) Mark eventually wrote one of the four gospel accounts.
Christ never counts us out. Though some friendships are fast and fleeting, they can still have wonderful meaning in our lives, and just might come around again.
9. John and Jesus
John was the self-proclaimed favorite of the twelve. “One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him,” John writes of himself in John 13:23 as part of the account of the Last Supper. He was so comfortable with Jesus! If only we could all understand how that friendship is to be mirrored in our own lives.
He didn’t just talk about being the favorite, for at the foot of the cross, John was the only one of the twelve that remained. “The disciple whom he loved standing nearby,” he writes, “Dear woman,” Jesus said to His mother, “here is your son, and to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.” John showed up when no one else did. Self-proclaimed favorite, on the scene. “From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.”(John 19:26-27)
Friendship bypasses convenience for calling. Loyalty and trust are important factors in friendship. The more trustworthy we are, the more we are trusted with.
10. Jesus and You
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
There is no greater friendship than the one between Jesus and you. Before your cries broke through this earthly air, He knew you–what you looked like, the unique make-up of your personality, and the wonderful things you have and will experience and accomplish. Jesus knew every sin you would ever lay down at the foot of that cross before He bore all of them on it. The compassion He has for you in the silent struggles and strongholds that you face in this life is impenetrable.
“You are my friends.” John 15:14
Jesus came to save you, His friend. He loves you enough to go through the excruciating pain of being human on earth and dying a horrific death. We get very caught up in stipulations and expectations because of our flawed reality. Jesus is “the way, the truth and the life.” (John 14:6) Belief in Him saves us. (John 3:16)
“You did not choose me, I choose you.” John 15:16